The end of the year is upon us and it is almost time to start a new year and decade. I’m quite excited by this because, I find that the end of the year is a good time to reflect on the past year and decide what changes need to be made. I know that this shouldn’t necessarily be a once a year thing (and it isn’t for me) but, I find I have a bunch of down time at the end of the year, and being at home by myself, I find that I am often in a reflective mood.
Last year, I read Yes Man, and decided to adapt a more positive attitude and try to say yes to everything that came my way. Now this didn’t pan out as well as I would have hoped but, a lot of good came from it (this blog being one). I feel that it opened me up to a lot of new things, and helped me gain some more confidence and have a little fun.
Well, I just finished Yes Man again, and it got me thinking about things. My last two posts have been somewhat self-pitying and negative. They were helpful at the time, and they were useful for realizing some things about myself. But at the end of the day, I was left with problems and not really any understanding of why they existed or what I could do about them. I was left feeling somewhat hindered by the things that I had learned, and it has made me feel kind of crummy.
In my last posts, I outlined negative things about myself, and attempted to explain why they occur. And in the last few weeks, I’ve thought a lot about those things, and the potential reasons why they occur. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter.
We are, to some degree anyway, defined by our pasts. The person we are is based on what we have done and been. Our past choices are what have brought us to the points in our lives that we are at. This is what I have spent time focusing on. But I don’t think it should be. Just because I am a product of my past does not mean that I must continue to be that same product. It’s very easy to blame the problems in our lives or ourselves on some past events, but that doesn’t necessarily help them go away. At some point, you have to recognize the problems, and decide whether you want them to continue or not. Now in some cases it may take a bit more effort to get rid of them than others. But more often than not, I think it’s simply a matter of deciding to change and then doing it.
So for the new year (and right now as well) I’ve decided to change in the following ways:
1)Stop being as shy
It always takes me a little while to get to know people and feel comfortable around people, and often times, I am very quiet at the start. So, I am going to try and be more outgoing from the start and be more confident.
2)Become more self-confident and up the self-esteem
Not sure why my self-confidence and self-esteem have been low ... but it doesn’t matter.
I’m a luscious piece of man meat, and anyone who doesn’t like me can go fuck themselves. Not saying that I’m perfect or that I don’t have things that need to be changed. But I’ll deal with those things as they come.
3)Throw out the unrealistic beliefs that I will cause people pain or that I am not worthy of relationships
Really not sure where all this came from. Fuck it. Let’s throw it.
So there we go. Those are my three changes in attitude that I would like to change for the new year. I can’t promise that it will always happen but I am going to work hard on it. Also, I want to stop saying sorry as much. I say it too often and for no particularly good reason. Guess it is a throwback to younger days. Time to stop saying it as much.
Bring on the new year, and all its wonder and glory. Some things to think about. In the following decade, there is a good chance that I will potentially get married, have a child, purchase a home, and get a real job. How crazy is that?
(New World Man ... from the Album 'Signals' ... by Rush ... Geddy Lee and Neil Peart ... fucking amazing!)
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Diary of a Madman
Look at me, two blog postings in three days! I’m on fire. Well, I said that I wanted to write more, and I’m trying to hold myself to that. I have a lot to say, and it’s starting to take shape in a number of different blog entries that I would like to write in the near future (time permitting). Some of it is going to be more personal, while other entries are going to be more opinion based, while others will be musings on quite random topics. But it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want. In this small space, I can paste whatever ideas I have, and people can read them or not, and comment or not. They may change people’s ideals or minds and inspire debate and discussion ... or they may fall on deaf ears and not get read by anyone (the more likely of the two). Regardless, it is amazing that this type of thing exists, and that anyone can do it. I feel quite privileged to have the ability to freely express myself to anyone who cares to listen ... marvellous!
This posting is going to be more of a personal reflection than anything else. I feel a little wrong writing personal reflections, because I want to avoid the whole journal/dumping my problems before the world thing that happens all the time. However, I do feel that these help me put things into perspective and learn. And who knows ... maybe someone will write a comment and things will take off from there.
Two days ago, I wrote about a previous relationship that I was in, and how I was of the feeling that I shouldn’t be in a relationship right now. This was all well and good at the time, and I went to sleep feeling quite content that I had thought things through and had come to a conclusion. However, the next day, the comfort I had gained had somewhat disappeared, and I was a left with a new slew of questions, the foremost one being, why shouldn’t I be in a relationship right now? The answer, needless to say, was quite elusive. The day before, I had talked about the freedom of being single, and how I liked that freedom. But, in retrospect, I think that was a copout answer to cover up something deeper than that. And I think I know why I seem hesitant toward being in a relationship. I am afraid of causing (and to a lesser extent receiving) pain.
I don’t want to go into too much detail here (because it would take a while ... if you want to know the back story, just ask) but, at some point in my early undergrad, I became convinced that I was a cause for pain in the lives of people that I knew, and that their lives would be better without me. Now I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it’s how I felt. My self-esteem was low, and I felt like a burden on people. Over time, I was able to overcome these views and gain a bit more self-confidence. The problem is that I never entirely conquered it, and it continues to pop up at random points, most strongly in regard to relationships with girls.
During my last relationship, I really liked the girl a lot. But something wasn’t right. There was this concern in my mind the whole time. I tried to attribute it to outside factors but I couldn’t get over it. I’ve realized that my constant concern stemmed from the fact that I didn’t feel like I deserved to be in a relationship with this girl. If you can’t understand, then I can try and describe it: imagine having this feeling everyday that you just don’t deserve something or that you are not good enough for something. Imagine having the feeling that being in this relationship is going to cause your partner pain and harm, and that they would ultimately be better off without you. Now, assume that you like and care about this person to a stupidly high degree, and tell me how you would feel? Imagine trying to enjoy a relationship when you constantly feel like you’re going to negatively impact the person. It’s pretty shitty. There was even one point where I noticed a potential attraction between this girl and another guy. I immediately began to have thoughts that I should break up with her, not because I didn’t like her, but because I thought that she would be better off without me and better with him. I didn’t actually know if they liked each other or not, and I certainly couldn’t comment as to whether they would be better together or not. But deep in my neurotic mind, I couldn’t imagine that I would be able to provide anything good for this person. Pretty fucked up, right?
So here I am: single, a bit sad, and quite confused. I now recognize that I have an issue with self-esteem when in relationships. That is a good first step. The problem now is how to deal with it? I recognize that the beliefs are irrational, but the doubt and pain they bring are quite real. So how do you deal with it? What can a person do? I could just stay single but I really don’t want to do that. I’m at a loss for what to do at the moment. Furthermore, I feel a bit sad that my craziness contributed somewhat to the end of my last relationship. I think that I could have something good there, if I could just get over these crazy feelings.
I’m sorry for making this post quite personal and somewhat emotional. I do it because 1)it makes me feel a little better and 2)because it brings it out into the open, and allows for ideas and help from others. I am a believer that problems and personal ‘demons’ should not be kept quiet or in the dark but, need to be brought out into the open so you can stab their cold black hearts and cut off their heads (deal with your problems). So yeah, there we go. I don’t know what to do but, hopefully I can figure out something.
(Diary of a Madman is a song by Ozzy Osbourne, on the album Diary of a Madman. I’ve been listening to Ozzy a lot more in recent weeks. I go through phases of it. He’s really good.)
This posting is going to be more of a personal reflection than anything else. I feel a little wrong writing personal reflections, because I want to avoid the whole journal/dumping my problems before the world thing that happens all the time. However, I do feel that these help me put things into perspective and learn. And who knows ... maybe someone will write a comment and things will take off from there.
Two days ago, I wrote about a previous relationship that I was in, and how I was of the feeling that I shouldn’t be in a relationship right now. This was all well and good at the time, and I went to sleep feeling quite content that I had thought things through and had come to a conclusion. However, the next day, the comfort I had gained had somewhat disappeared, and I was a left with a new slew of questions, the foremost one being, why shouldn’t I be in a relationship right now? The answer, needless to say, was quite elusive. The day before, I had talked about the freedom of being single, and how I liked that freedom. But, in retrospect, I think that was a copout answer to cover up something deeper than that. And I think I know why I seem hesitant toward being in a relationship. I am afraid of causing (and to a lesser extent receiving) pain.
I don’t want to go into too much detail here (because it would take a while ... if you want to know the back story, just ask) but, at some point in my early undergrad, I became convinced that I was a cause for pain in the lives of people that I knew, and that their lives would be better without me. Now I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it’s how I felt. My self-esteem was low, and I felt like a burden on people. Over time, I was able to overcome these views and gain a bit more self-confidence. The problem is that I never entirely conquered it, and it continues to pop up at random points, most strongly in regard to relationships with girls.
During my last relationship, I really liked the girl a lot. But something wasn’t right. There was this concern in my mind the whole time. I tried to attribute it to outside factors but I couldn’t get over it. I’ve realized that my constant concern stemmed from the fact that I didn’t feel like I deserved to be in a relationship with this girl. If you can’t understand, then I can try and describe it: imagine having this feeling everyday that you just don’t deserve something or that you are not good enough for something. Imagine having the feeling that being in this relationship is going to cause your partner pain and harm, and that they would ultimately be better off without you. Now, assume that you like and care about this person to a stupidly high degree, and tell me how you would feel? Imagine trying to enjoy a relationship when you constantly feel like you’re going to negatively impact the person. It’s pretty shitty. There was even one point where I noticed a potential attraction between this girl and another guy. I immediately began to have thoughts that I should break up with her, not because I didn’t like her, but because I thought that she would be better off without me and better with him. I didn’t actually know if they liked each other or not, and I certainly couldn’t comment as to whether they would be better together or not. But deep in my neurotic mind, I couldn’t imagine that I would be able to provide anything good for this person. Pretty fucked up, right?
So here I am: single, a bit sad, and quite confused. I now recognize that I have an issue with self-esteem when in relationships. That is a good first step. The problem now is how to deal with it? I recognize that the beliefs are irrational, but the doubt and pain they bring are quite real. So how do you deal with it? What can a person do? I could just stay single but I really don’t want to do that. I’m at a loss for what to do at the moment. Furthermore, I feel a bit sad that my craziness contributed somewhat to the end of my last relationship. I think that I could have something good there, if I could just get over these crazy feelings.
I’m sorry for making this post quite personal and somewhat emotional. I do it because 1)it makes me feel a little better and 2)because it brings it out into the open, and allows for ideas and help from others. I am a believer that problems and personal ‘demons’ should not be kept quiet or in the dark but, need to be brought out into the open so you can stab their cold black hearts and cut off their heads (deal with your problems). So yeah, there we go. I don’t know what to do but, hopefully I can figure out something.
(Diary of a Madman is a song by Ozzy Osbourne, on the album Diary of a Madman. I’ve been listening to Ozzy a lot more in recent weeks. I go through phases of it. He’s really good.)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Don't Stop Believin
Well, it’s been quite a while since I last posted. Sorry about that. I’ve been busy with different things, and to be honest, I just couldn’t think of anything to write about. Fragments of thoughts and ideas came to mind but nothing complete enough to warrant writing an entry. I’m not sure if the following entry or entries will be entirely complete or if they will be fragmented ideas that need further nurturing and expansion. As usual, I can only hope that the few readers I have can bear with it, and offer constructive criticism or comments, and that perhaps, this will make you think, if only a little bit.
I started this blog to talk about things I had said yes to, as well as means to organize my thoughts and deal with problems I was facing. Around the start of November, I entered into a relationship with a most delightful girl. It was something that had been sort of building for a few months before hand, and it was a decision that I was somewhat hesitant about because of some other issues. Despite these issues, I chose to seize the day and say yes. This relationship ended a couple days ago, and I have been thinking about it quite a bit over the last few days. I have some thoughts on it, and I feel it necessary to share them here.
Firstly, I want to talk about the girl. She is friggin awesome. You could look for a thousand years in a thousand different places and not find many better than her. She’s smart, good looking and a hoot to hang out with. The best part about her though is her mind and her inquisitive nature. I absolutely love talking to this girl. Every time I do, I come away changed in some small way. Whether it’s through challenging my ideas or explaining something entirely foreign to me, she makes me think and she makes me grow. Plus she’s always so cheery, and she always has something nice to say. She’s a beam of sunshine, if ever a person could be called one.
Now that I’ve established that the girl is awesome, I guess the question is: what went wrong or why did I have doubts? Well, that can be summed up by the following: it moved too quickly. Ever eager to enter into a relationship, I said yes, when I should have thought about it more. If I’d taken a bit more time and really thought about it, I would have realized that a relationship was not right for this point in time, and that it seemed a bit too forced. I was perfectly happy with being good friends and spending the odd time together talking. Hell, I would have been happier with spending a bit more time together, and really getting to know her well. I didn’t need a relationship at that point, which is kind of where all my doubt came from. It’s not that I didn’t need a relationship specifically from her but that I doubt whether I need one at all at the moment. In earlier posts, I’ve talked about my desire for a relationship, and how girls are awesome, and all the rest. But, in the last few months, I’ve really come to appreciate being single to a degree. There is a freedom to it that is quite enjoyable. And so, my main doubt, the one thing that clogged up my mind, was whether I should even be in a relationship. And I don’t think I should have been.
Now, I want to make it perfectly clear that this does not mean that I should not have eventually been in a relationship with this girl, nor do I want to imply that a relationship in the future with this girl is out of the question or wrong ...that is a question for another time, and one that I cannot answer at the moment (as I can’t predict the future despite my best attempts). If a time comes when we are more aligned with each other, and there seems to be a need or desire for a relationship, then I would not be opposed, and would welcome it with open arms (as I’ve said, she’s friggin awesome). But for the time being, and for the immediate future anyway, it isn’t right. She’s got her road and I have mine. But I will work super hard to ensure that we can be good friends, and then great friends, and then even, dare I say, BFFs (oh, I dared to say it!).
What have I learned from all of this? Relationships aren’t a requirement (at least for me). There are some people who spend all their time in relationships, and when one ends, the next begins. That ain’t me. I’ve spent too much of my life single, to the point where I don’t need one to feel good. That’s not to say that I won’t continue to try them and look around. But I guess I’ll be a bit more critical about them in the future. That leaves me wondering whether I should be ? Should you really weigh the pros and cons before hand, or should you jump right in and sort it out as you go? I have no idea.
In closing, I would like to say that girls are pretty and confusing. And that there is one girl out there who is friggin awesome, who I am looking forward to getting to know a lot better, without the stresses and doubts of a relationship to get in the way.
P.S. Hopefully I’ll start writing more now. I feel a need to get things out of my head. It’s too cluttered.
P.P.S. Title is Don’t Stop Believin by Journey from their 1981 album Escape. Super good song.
I started this blog to talk about things I had said yes to, as well as means to organize my thoughts and deal with problems I was facing. Around the start of November, I entered into a relationship with a most delightful girl. It was something that had been sort of building for a few months before hand, and it was a decision that I was somewhat hesitant about because of some other issues. Despite these issues, I chose to seize the day and say yes. This relationship ended a couple days ago, and I have been thinking about it quite a bit over the last few days. I have some thoughts on it, and I feel it necessary to share them here.
Firstly, I want to talk about the girl. She is friggin awesome. You could look for a thousand years in a thousand different places and not find many better than her. She’s smart, good looking and a hoot to hang out with. The best part about her though is her mind and her inquisitive nature. I absolutely love talking to this girl. Every time I do, I come away changed in some small way. Whether it’s through challenging my ideas or explaining something entirely foreign to me, she makes me think and she makes me grow. Plus she’s always so cheery, and she always has something nice to say. She’s a beam of sunshine, if ever a person could be called one.
Now that I’ve established that the girl is awesome, I guess the question is: what went wrong or why did I have doubts? Well, that can be summed up by the following: it moved too quickly. Ever eager to enter into a relationship, I said yes, when I should have thought about it more. If I’d taken a bit more time and really thought about it, I would have realized that a relationship was not right for this point in time, and that it seemed a bit too forced. I was perfectly happy with being good friends and spending the odd time together talking. Hell, I would have been happier with spending a bit more time together, and really getting to know her well. I didn’t need a relationship at that point, which is kind of where all my doubt came from. It’s not that I didn’t need a relationship specifically from her but that I doubt whether I need one at all at the moment. In earlier posts, I’ve talked about my desire for a relationship, and how girls are awesome, and all the rest. But, in the last few months, I’ve really come to appreciate being single to a degree. There is a freedom to it that is quite enjoyable. And so, my main doubt, the one thing that clogged up my mind, was whether I should even be in a relationship. And I don’t think I should have been.
Now, I want to make it perfectly clear that this does not mean that I should not have eventually been in a relationship with this girl, nor do I want to imply that a relationship in the future with this girl is out of the question or wrong ...that is a question for another time, and one that I cannot answer at the moment (as I can’t predict the future despite my best attempts). If a time comes when we are more aligned with each other, and there seems to be a need or desire for a relationship, then I would not be opposed, and would welcome it with open arms (as I’ve said, she’s friggin awesome). But for the time being, and for the immediate future anyway, it isn’t right. She’s got her road and I have mine. But I will work super hard to ensure that we can be good friends, and then great friends, and then even, dare I say, BFFs (oh, I dared to say it!).
What have I learned from all of this? Relationships aren’t a requirement (at least for me). There are some people who spend all their time in relationships, and when one ends, the next begins. That ain’t me. I’ve spent too much of my life single, to the point where I don’t need one to feel good. That’s not to say that I won’t continue to try them and look around. But I guess I’ll be a bit more critical about them in the future. That leaves me wondering whether I should be ? Should you really weigh the pros and cons before hand, or should you jump right in and sort it out as you go? I have no idea.
In closing, I would like to say that girls are pretty and confusing. And that there is one girl out there who is friggin awesome, who I am looking forward to getting to know a lot better, without the stresses and doubts of a relationship to get in the way.
P.S. Hopefully I’ll start writing more now. I feel a need to get things out of my head. It’s too cluttered.
P.P.S. Title is Don’t Stop Believin by Journey from their 1981 album Escape. Super good song.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Iron Man
Howdy everyone,
Just a quick announcement for the day. On July 31, I signed up for the Muskoka Subaru Half Iron Man in Huntsville. It's going to be 1.9km swim, 94km bike, 21.1 km run. I'm super excited about it and also quite terrified as it will be the longest distance that I have ever tried to go in one day without a car. Also, I am limited to only 8 and half hours to do it in, so I may fail at it. I'm kind of excited by that prospect though because, usually when I do something, I'm fairly confident of succeeding. I think I'll be alright and am somewhat confident in succeeding but, there's still that chance of failure. Hopefully all goes well, and I will certainly be training like a madman for the next month and a half (it's Sept.13). Just thought I should let people know as, it is something that I've said yes to doing. Also, next Sunday, I'm going bungee jumping at the Great Canadian Bungee Jumping place. 200 feet above a man made lake (and apparently, you dunk at the end of the jump). Should be good times!
(Iron Man by Black Sabbath, from the album Paranoid. I will be listening to this quite a bit over the next month and a half.)
Just a quick announcement for the day. On July 31, I signed up for the Muskoka Subaru Half Iron Man in Huntsville. It's going to be 1.9km swim, 94km bike, 21.1 km run. I'm super excited about it and also quite terrified as it will be the longest distance that I have ever tried to go in one day without a car. Also, I am limited to only 8 and half hours to do it in, so I may fail at it. I'm kind of excited by that prospect though because, usually when I do something, I'm fairly confident of succeeding. I think I'll be alright and am somewhat confident in succeeding but, there's still that chance of failure. Hopefully all goes well, and I will certainly be training like a madman for the next month and a half (it's Sept.13). Just thought I should let people know as, it is something that I've said yes to doing. Also, next Sunday, I'm going bungee jumping at the Great Canadian Bungee Jumping place. 200 feet above a man made lake (and apparently, you dunk at the end of the jump). Should be good times!
(Iron Man by Black Sabbath, from the album Paranoid. I will be listening to this quite a bit over the next month and a half.)
Monday, July 6, 2009
Lady
I grew up watching cartoons and hearing fairy tales and all that jazz, and the one thing that really stood with me was how to treat a lady. In most of the fairy tales, there’s a prince, or some other male hero, who is the height of gentlemanliness, and he swoops in and saves the princess or the damsel in distress. That got me thinking, when I was younger, that guys were supposed to be these heroic and noble people who saved the damsel in distress. So that became my idea of what I had to be and what girls wanted.
So, as I grew up, and watched more TV and film, I was confronted by more films where the male is all noble and chivalrous and he takes care of or helps the girl who loves him and only wants him because he is so sweet. And then they ride off into the sunset and everything is hunky dory. As the message was still validated and nothing had changed, I once again assumed that this was the correct way to be and that girls wanted the nice and noble guy, who wasn’t pushy or advancive.
Here’s what I’ve learned: Hollywood is bullshit! Girls are not helpless, and I’m most likely not going to swing in all noble and chivalrous, and carry one off to live happily ever after. First off, I wouldn’t want a girl that was helpless. That would piss me off beyond belief. The type of girl I want would be able to take care of herself and wouldn’t be completely dependent on any man. She wouldn’t need me but would want me (and there is a huge difference there).
Secondly (and I’ve covered this in the past), I’ve been a giant retard when it comes to relationships because I invariably try to treat the girl like a damsel in distress. I couldn’t help it because I was acting based on bad and imaginary advice. The truth is that I’ve always entered into a relationship and almost immediately tried to become a servant and that shit ain’t cool. I’ve learned that you have to come in feeling like an equal and that the relationship should be about establishing the deepest of friendships built upon recognizing the other as an equal.
Thirdly, chivalry and not being an aggressive douche bag is still really cool (and I don’t care what anyone says). If a girl is cold, I’m giving her my sweater with absolutely no expectations. If she asks if I want to come in for coffee, I`m going to assume that I am going in to drink coffee. Mayhaps people think that is a stupid philosophy but I do think there is a benefit to being a nice guy, despite the often clichéd line that ``nice guys finish last``. The benefit comes from being able to sleep at night knowing that I have never tried to pressure a girl into anything she didn`t want, and knowing that I always tried to be respectful to women (even though I`m shameless in judging women through the car window). If a feminina would like to be with me, she need only make her desire known and then (depending on the feminina) she will find me more than willing to be with her. In fact, I will be super passionate and completely respectful of whatever pace she wants the relationship to go (I may be more inclined to go a little slower, as I`m just a little bit ole fashioned).
There. I just had to say some of this because it has been bothering me for a bit. Might elaborate on it more in the future. And with that ... I bid you all a good night.
(Lady by Styx from Styx II ... I love Styx ... they are sooooooooo goooooooooood!)
So, as I grew up, and watched more TV and film, I was confronted by more films where the male is all noble and chivalrous and he takes care of or helps the girl who loves him and only wants him because he is so sweet. And then they ride off into the sunset and everything is hunky dory. As the message was still validated and nothing had changed, I once again assumed that this was the correct way to be and that girls wanted the nice and noble guy, who wasn’t pushy or advancive.
Here’s what I’ve learned: Hollywood is bullshit! Girls are not helpless, and I’m most likely not going to swing in all noble and chivalrous, and carry one off to live happily ever after. First off, I wouldn’t want a girl that was helpless. That would piss me off beyond belief. The type of girl I want would be able to take care of herself and wouldn’t be completely dependent on any man. She wouldn’t need me but would want me (and there is a huge difference there).
Secondly (and I’ve covered this in the past), I’ve been a giant retard when it comes to relationships because I invariably try to treat the girl like a damsel in distress. I couldn’t help it because I was acting based on bad and imaginary advice. The truth is that I’ve always entered into a relationship and almost immediately tried to become a servant and that shit ain’t cool. I’ve learned that you have to come in feeling like an equal and that the relationship should be about establishing the deepest of friendships built upon recognizing the other as an equal.
Thirdly, chivalry and not being an aggressive douche bag is still really cool (and I don’t care what anyone says). If a girl is cold, I’m giving her my sweater with absolutely no expectations. If she asks if I want to come in for coffee, I`m going to assume that I am going in to drink coffee. Mayhaps people think that is a stupid philosophy but I do think there is a benefit to being a nice guy, despite the often clichéd line that ``nice guys finish last``. The benefit comes from being able to sleep at night knowing that I have never tried to pressure a girl into anything she didn`t want, and knowing that I always tried to be respectful to women (even though I`m shameless in judging women through the car window). If a feminina would like to be with me, she need only make her desire known and then (depending on the feminina) she will find me more than willing to be with her. In fact, I will be super passionate and completely respectful of whatever pace she wants the relationship to go (I may be more inclined to go a little slower, as I`m just a little bit ole fashioned).
There. I just had to say some of this because it has been bothering me for a bit. Might elaborate on it more in the future. And with that ... I bid you all a good night.
(Lady by Styx from Styx II ... I love Styx ... they are sooooooooo goooooooooood!)
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Carry on my Wayward Son
I know I’ve only written twice in the last two months and I’m sorry for that. I have a lot of things that I want to talk about and I’m sure I’ll get to it all in time. I guess the problem is that this blog is a generalized outlet for anything that I want to discuss, and as I am always thinking about something, I could probably write everyday and always cover something in a new way. I’ve also got adult onset ADD (if it doesn’t exist yet, then I am creating it now) which means that I am always jumping from one idea to another. I am at that stage of life where I am finally beginning to establish a base set of absolute beliefs that I’m hoping won’t change. Using absolute may be wrong in this case, as I am always open to changing my view on anything should new evidence or ideas emerge. That being said, I need to start developing a set of beliefs that don’t change every time I talk to someone and that can stand up to discussion and disagreement. For most of my life, I’ve been prone to agreeing with whatever people said and not questioning them or their beliefs despite my own personal feelings about it. I believed that to do so would cause an argument and turn us into enemies. I’ve now come to realize that peaceful disagreement exists and that I am perfectly capable of it. So yeah, to make a long story short, I have lots of ideas and I’m slow to put the fingers to the keys.
Two things are kind of influencing my rant for today. The first thing is that I just got back from a trip to Vancouver, where I went to a cousin’s wedding and was able to meet up with my old roommates and friends. The second is that two of my roommates are moving out at the end of August to find their own place (they’re a couple ... a couple of jokers ... hahahah ... I’m sorry, I know it wasn’t funny but I couldn’t resist). These two events, while seemingly unrelated, both lead to this one idea that I’ve been thinking about: the idea of changing friendships and the aspect of being alone in life (at least at this point).
The first point really came into focus when I went back to visit my friends out west. It was interesting because, at least with my roommates, we had been a big part of each others’ social circle while I was there. I used to spend several hours each day hanging out and talking with my roommates. When I went back out there to visit, I had a great time with them and it was awesome to catch up. I also realized that things had changed and that we’d all moved off into some different directions. It wasn’t major or anything but things had certainly changed and I became really aware of it for the first time. We all had new interests and goals, new plans for the future, some new people in our lives. It made me think about friendship and friends, and how it is an ever changing relationship. Think back five years and think of the people who you hung out with and were closest with. Where are they now? Odds are a good proportion of them are not as a major a factor in your life as they once were. While they are still “friends” and you are still probably on good terms with them, the relationship has definitely changed and you are probably not as close as you used to be. That being said, you probably have new people in your life, who are great and are exactly what you need. I guess that is just a part of life (especially at this stage in our young lives). It’s something that has never sat entirely well with me. I truly dislike when relationships change and become less important. I hate the awkwardness of talking to people who you were once really close with and who you now have nothing in common with. It’s frustrating and a little saddening. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve kept some close friends over the years (and probably will continue to).
The second point I realized was that, at this point at least, I’m kind of alone. I have no real constant person in my life that I can count on to remain there for very long. I got thinking this after getting back from Vancouver when I found that my roommates were going to be moving out. It definitely sucks because they are super cool people (first class all the way). At the same time, I completely understand it and fully support it. I also know that I will be seeing them often and things won’t change too much (maybe a little more space in the fridge and an upgrade in bedroom). But it got me thinking about being alone. My roommates are a couple that have been dating for quite some time and as such they’re probably going to be together forever (hopefully ... they’re so good together). Their lives are intertwined at this point and they can expect to be in each others’ lives for a long time. They can make future decisions together and anticipate that they will always have the other with them. I can’t do that. I don’t have anyone that I can always count on to be by my side. I mean, I can always count on people talking to me through email and facebook (and I am absolutely grateful for that to all of you) but I am fairly certain that in a year and a half (hopefully sooner) I’ll be hitting the road and moving someplace else and it will most likely just be me going. I know that there is a freedom to this that I should love and sometimes I do. I love the fact that if I so chose, I could go anywhere I wanted (assuming I have the money) and not have to worry about accommodating someone else. I am free to follow whatever dreams I can come up with and do pretty much as I please (within the boundaries of the law). That being said, being alone also sucks. Knowing that I can’t count on anyone to be by my side and that I’ll have to eventually say goodbye and go a separate way does suck and it is sad. Not ball my eyes out and cry to the heavens sad but still shittily sad. But I guess that is life. If you want to explore and travel and live in new places, you have to be prepared to do it alone (at least for a while).
I’m not sure what I was hoping to get out of this or achieve. I guess in the end, I love my friends. Those people who have shaped who I am. And while I wish that we could all travel together, I just have to make peace with everyone having their own life and have fun in my own little journey, and hope that our paths will cross again and that the interweb can keep the connections alive.
(Carry on my wayward son by Kansas from Leftoverture ... it just seemed fitting. Ramble On by Led Zeppelin would have also worked but I don’t want to overuse Led Zeppelin songs for titles).
Two things are kind of influencing my rant for today. The first thing is that I just got back from a trip to Vancouver, where I went to a cousin’s wedding and was able to meet up with my old roommates and friends. The second is that two of my roommates are moving out at the end of August to find their own place (they’re a couple ... a couple of jokers ... hahahah ... I’m sorry, I know it wasn’t funny but I couldn’t resist). These two events, while seemingly unrelated, both lead to this one idea that I’ve been thinking about: the idea of changing friendships and the aspect of being alone in life (at least at this point).
The first point really came into focus when I went back to visit my friends out west. It was interesting because, at least with my roommates, we had been a big part of each others’ social circle while I was there. I used to spend several hours each day hanging out and talking with my roommates. When I went back out there to visit, I had a great time with them and it was awesome to catch up. I also realized that things had changed and that we’d all moved off into some different directions. It wasn’t major or anything but things had certainly changed and I became really aware of it for the first time. We all had new interests and goals, new plans for the future, some new people in our lives. It made me think about friendship and friends, and how it is an ever changing relationship. Think back five years and think of the people who you hung out with and were closest with. Where are they now? Odds are a good proportion of them are not as a major a factor in your life as they once were. While they are still “friends” and you are still probably on good terms with them, the relationship has definitely changed and you are probably not as close as you used to be. That being said, you probably have new people in your life, who are great and are exactly what you need. I guess that is just a part of life (especially at this stage in our young lives). It’s something that has never sat entirely well with me. I truly dislike when relationships change and become less important. I hate the awkwardness of talking to people who you were once really close with and who you now have nothing in common with. It’s frustrating and a little saddening. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve kept some close friends over the years (and probably will continue to).
The second point I realized was that, at this point at least, I’m kind of alone. I have no real constant person in my life that I can count on to remain there for very long. I got thinking this after getting back from Vancouver when I found that my roommates were going to be moving out. It definitely sucks because they are super cool people (first class all the way). At the same time, I completely understand it and fully support it. I also know that I will be seeing them often and things won’t change too much (maybe a little more space in the fridge and an upgrade in bedroom). But it got me thinking about being alone. My roommates are a couple that have been dating for quite some time and as such they’re probably going to be together forever (hopefully ... they’re so good together). Their lives are intertwined at this point and they can expect to be in each others’ lives for a long time. They can make future decisions together and anticipate that they will always have the other with them. I can’t do that. I don’t have anyone that I can always count on to be by my side. I mean, I can always count on people talking to me through email and facebook (and I am absolutely grateful for that to all of you) but I am fairly certain that in a year and a half (hopefully sooner) I’ll be hitting the road and moving someplace else and it will most likely just be me going. I know that there is a freedom to this that I should love and sometimes I do. I love the fact that if I so chose, I could go anywhere I wanted (assuming I have the money) and not have to worry about accommodating someone else. I am free to follow whatever dreams I can come up with and do pretty much as I please (within the boundaries of the law). That being said, being alone also sucks. Knowing that I can’t count on anyone to be by my side and that I’ll have to eventually say goodbye and go a separate way does suck and it is sad. Not ball my eyes out and cry to the heavens sad but still shittily sad. But I guess that is life. If you want to explore and travel and live in new places, you have to be prepared to do it alone (at least for a while).
I’m not sure what I was hoping to get out of this or achieve. I guess in the end, I love my friends. Those people who have shaped who I am. And while I wish that we could all travel together, I just have to make peace with everyone having their own life and have fun in my own little journey, and hope that our paths will cross again and that the interweb can keep the connections alive.
(Carry on my wayward son by Kansas from Leftoverture ... it just seemed fitting. Ramble On by Led Zeppelin would have also worked but I don’t want to overuse Led Zeppelin songs for titles).
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Achilles Last Stand
It’s taken me 23 years but I have finally done it ... I have read Atlas Shrugged! I was told ahead of time by some that it was a decent book but long winded at some points, and by others, that it was tediously boring. I found it to be one of the better books that I have ever read, and despite being 1070 pages of some of the smallest print I’ve ever seen, I had trouble putting it down. I will admit that John Galt’s 60 page speech was a little much, as it was heavily philosophical and took me a little bit to get through. Nonetheless, I absolutely loved it all.
While reading this book, I think I came the closest I’ve ever come to crying while reading a book. When she described working, and the joys associated with creating and building and putting in a hard day’s work and being a producer, it made me feel a sense of admiration for the great men of the past who designed and labored to build the world around us (which is really amazing when you think about it). When she described the fall of New York, the decay of the world, and the senseless and lazy attitudes of many of the looters, I felt anger, frustration and disgust. I’ve always valued work but I’ve never really been able to put it in the terms that she did. I’ve idolized many of the most prominent men in history, men of science and industry, art and literature, men who used their skills to create new ideas, theories, structures, machines, etc. In them, I see the potential of man, when given the natural talent and an unending desire to work and to create. That idea of accomplishing something, and not just stopping, but continuing further, is at the heart of every explorer and inventor who has ever lived. These are the men who’s stories I’ve heard over my life and who exploits have driven my goals and dreams. But I’ve also known the other men of her story first hand. I shall jump into a story if I may (of course I may, this is my blog). During the summer of 2005 and 2006, I worked in a unionized truck factory in my home town. My father worked there as well, and I was eager to impress him and to show that I could do a good job. While I worked there, I thought of different ways that could potentially increase efficiency while limiting waste and making the factory a more enjoyable and profitable venture. I don’t know if they would have worked but I thought about it nonetheless. However, as my time there increased, I found it increasingly difficult to work, as well as an increasingly more depressing place to be. Since it was a unionized factory, and I worked on the assembly line with other workers, I was present for large amounts of union rhetoric, which in a general and simplified form equates to “do the minimum amount of work not to get fired, take every advantage to sit down, and bitch to the union rep about everything”. I liked doing my work. I enjoyed the feeling of going in and earning my money through manual labor. I liked learning how to do things, how to use tools, what tools were called, etc. I also didn’t like my breaks. I found they made the day go slower, and as I was on the assembly line, I wanted to get a bit ahead so that I wouldn’t be too rushed while the line was moving, so that I could do a better job. Instead, if I was ever caught working during my break by a unionized employee, I was told to stop working and sit down. They were telling me not to work. They also tried to tell me how the company owed them. Now I propose the question: what does any company owe its workers? It owes them something of value (money) for the work they put in. That’s it. It doesn’t owe any worker a job. It doesn’t owe any worker more money then it feels like paying. It shouldn’t owe the worker overtime hours, increased overtime pay, a ridiculous retirement pension or anything else. Yet that’s how a lot of workers felt. It sickened me and I disliked working there, not because of the work but because of the “looter” attitude that many people had.
Something that I have had to confront since having finished Atlas Shrugged is this: Am I a looter? I don’t mind doing a hard day’s work for money. I don’t usually complain while I do it and I try to do my best while I work. I try to be respectful of my employers and try to ensure that I earn the money they are paying. That being said, I am a lazy person. When it comes to my own work, I’ve been a slacker to this point. People congratulate me on graduating from university, as if it is some major accomplishment. Yet, I didn’t do too much work until then end, and operated far below my potential. I still found it easy to do and don’t see why people should be so quick to congratulate me. Since then, I have done work on my master’s thesis, but far less then I could have. I have tried to get financial grants when I felt that I didn’t deserve it. Ultimately, I aspire to be like the producers of the novel (albeit not as fantastical, as Rand paints them as supermen) but I feel more like a looter or a moocher, preferring to follow instead of lead. I wonder, therefore, whether recognition of being a looter is enough to alter it and become a man of production, and whether I have it within me to become greater than I am?
I will need to think more about this, as well as, read more Ayn Rand (and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, as Justin has told me to). I’m sure there will be more posts in the days to come.
(Song title - Achilles Last Stand, from Led Zeppelin's Presence ... so magical, and Achilles is greek and Atlas is greek ... I know it's a weak connection but I can't think of any good songs to link to Atlas Shrugged)
While reading this book, I think I came the closest I’ve ever come to crying while reading a book. When she described working, and the joys associated with creating and building and putting in a hard day’s work and being a producer, it made me feel a sense of admiration for the great men of the past who designed and labored to build the world around us (which is really amazing when you think about it). When she described the fall of New York, the decay of the world, and the senseless and lazy attitudes of many of the looters, I felt anger, frustration and disgust. I’ve always valued work but I’ve never really been able to put it in the terms that she did. I’ve idolized many of the most prominent men in history, men of science and industry, art and literature, men who used their skills to create new ideas, theories, structures, machines, etc. In them, I see the potential of man, when given the natural talent and an unending desire to work and to create. That idea of accomplishing something, and not just stopping, but continuing further, is at the heart of every explorer and inventor who has ever lived. These are the men who’s stories I’ve heard over my life and who exploits have driven my goals and dreams. But I’ve also known the other men of her story first hand. I shall jump into a story if I may (of course I may, this is my blog). During the summer of 2005 and 2006, I worked in a unionized truck factory in my home town. My father worked there as well, and I was eager to impress him and to show that I could do a good job. While I worked there, I thought of different ways that could potentially increase efficiency while limiting waste and making the factory a more enjoyable and profitable venture. I don’t know if they would have worked but I thought about it nonetheless. However, as my time there increased, I found it increasingly difficult to work, as well as an increasingly more depressing place to be. Since it was a unionized factory, and I worked on the assembly line with other workers, I was present for large amounts of union rhetoric, which in a general and simplified form equates to “do the minimum amount of work not to get fired, take every advantage to sit down, and bitch to the union rep about everything”. I liked doing my work. I enjoyed the feeling of going in and earning my money through manual labor. I liked learning how to do things, how to use tools, what tools were called, etc. I also didn’t like my breaks. I found they made the day go slower, and as I was on the assembly line, I wanted to get a bit ahead so that I wouldn’t be too rushed while the line was moving, so that I could do a better job. Instead, if I was ever caught working during my break by a unionized employee, I was told to stop working and sit down. They were telling me not to work. They also tried to tell me how the company owed them. Now I propose the question: what does any company owe its workers? It owes them something of value (money) for the work they put in. That’s it. It doesn’t owe any worker a job. It doesn’t owe any worker more money then it feels like paying. It shouldn’t owe the worker overtime hours, increased overtime pay, a ridiculous retirement pension or anything else. Yet that’s how a lot of workers felt. It sickened me and I disliked working there, not because of the work but because of the “looter” attitude that many people had.
Something that I have had to confront since having finished Atlas Shrugged is this: Am I a looter? I don’t mind doing a hard day’s work for money. I don’t usually complain while I do it and I try to do my best while I work. I try to be respectful of my employers and try to ensure that I earn the money they are paying. That being said, I am a lazy person. When it comes to my own work, I’ve been a slacker to this point. People congratulate me on graduating from university, as if it is some major accomplishment. Yet, I didn’t do too much work until then end, and operated far below my potential. I still found it easy to do and don’t see why people should be so quick to congratulate me. Since then, I have done work on my master’s thesis, but far less then I could have. I have tried to get financial grants when I felt that I didn’t deserve it. Ultimately, I aspire to be like the producers of the novel (albeit not as fantastical, as Rand paints them as supermen) but I feel more like a looter or a moocher, preferring to follow instead of lead. I wonder, therefore, whether recognition of being a looter is enough to alter it and become a man of production, and whether I have it within me to become greater than I am?
I will need to think more about this, as well as, read more Ayn Rand (and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, as Justin has told me to). I’m sure there will be more posts in the days to come.
(Song title - Achilles Last Stand, from Led Zeppelin's Presence ... so magical, and Achilles is greek and Atlas is greek ... I know it's a weak connection but I can't think of any good songs to link to Atlas Shrugged)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Won't Get Fooled Again
I’ve wanted to write about this for a couple weeks but I was having trouble getting started. I couldn’t think of the best way to get started until today. As I was reading the news on Yahoo, I came across an article on the front page that was talking about a new scandal sweeping through the Obama administration. Apparently, Fox news reported that Barack Obama put Dijon mustard on his hamburger, and MSNBC, which is apparently favourable to Barack, chose to edit the clip of him ordering a burger, so as to avoid showing the president asking for Dijon mustard. It seems that Fox news feels that Barack ordering Dijon mustard on a burger is evidence that he is elitist and not in touch with the American population, and also, that MSNBC is in the back pocket of Barack and the Democratic Party, covering up any situations which may spell trouble for the democrats and their new found power.
Really? Is that newsworthy? I don’t think it is. And it leaves me scratching my head and wondering what has happened to broadcast journalism (and journalism in general). It’s gotten to the point where I can’t really watch the news anymore. It’s too painful to watch. Most news reports lack any substance and don’t report on the truly important things going on in the world and in the community. They seem to follow a simple rubric of throw in a couple murders or accidents, followed by a political story, a financial story, a story about a bake sale or some charity, followed by some scare tactic about some group in the world who (I’m made to believe) wants to kill me for some random reason, followed by a shot of a squirrel on water skies. Meanwhile, the news hosts are “acting” like robots, turning serious when the need arises, and then instantly switching to charming and delightful on command. It’s disgusting. And it gets even worse with news channels. I remember when Obama was in the midst of his inauguration, and he was taking a train ride to Washington (don’t remember where from). CNN covered the entire 7-8 hour train ride. It was 7-8 hours of Obama’s train, with detailed accounts of the route, and what Obama was wearing and where he was at every second of the trip. And why did they do this? Because they have to fill 17 hours a day with news, and they spend their time focusing on the least important things, while major news events from around the world go unattended. And I don’t think for a second that there will ever be a day, where 8 hours go by, in which there isn’t something more important or more newsworthy than Barack Obama riding a train.
Ultimately, I want a return to the days of men like Edward Murrow and Martha Gellhorn. I want the news to ask the risky and tough questions of our government and of our political forces. I want to know what is happening in other places in the world, and who is fighting who, and why they are fighting. I want to understand why the economy is in shambles, and who is responsible for that, and what measures are being taken to fix the economy and reprimand those who are responsible. I want to know of situations where people are being taken advantage of and what is being done to help them and what my government and other governments are going to do about it. And I want journalists to actually do their homework and have credible sources. I read an article today about a 22 year old student who put a fake quote on Wikipedia to see if it would be picked up, only to have several papers use it without any reference to Wikipedia. Journalists have to stop being lazy and grow a pair of balls.
In all honesty, and I am deadly serious about this, I believe that Jon Stewart is one of the best journalists out there today. He is under no obligation to have any journalistic integrity, yet he consistently delivers news that is important, as well as provides insightful and critical interviews. Two examples of things that I just recently watched: 1) when he went on crossfire and ruined Tucker Carlson, and 2) when Jim Cramer (of CNBC’s Mad Money) came on the shoe and Stewart basically made him apologize for making a game out of the finances of the average person, while lying through his teeth. He’s amazing! And maybe he is in a special position to do that. Maybe because he is on a comedy network, he can be the type of journalist that the world needs because, as long as he is funny about it, he can stay on the air. Maybe people enjoy watching his show for comedy and prefer watching CNN for 8 hour train rides. I don’t know?
I guess, in the end, the news is just about entertainment. News channels couldn’t exist if they weren’t making money, which requires them to bring in an audience to bring in advertising dollars. In order to bring in the audience, I guess they have use scare tactics, celebrity voyeurism, and pandering to different interest groups. I would love to see the news become less about profit and more about honest and important journalism. But then less people would watch it and maybe it’s better to have people watching then news then not? Even if that news is of a much lower quality then it should be? Maybe the future is in blogging and other areas like that, where there is less emphasis on money making, and less need for censorship and pandering to the masses.
Anyway, I suggest watching Good Night and Good Luck (Edward Murrow is the fucking man), Frost vs Nixon, and the Daily Show (and to a lesser extent, the Colbert Report).
(Won’t Get Fooled Again by The Who, from the album Who’s Next. If you haven’t listened to this ... you need to ... right now! However, I’m fairly certain that Jesse is the only person who reads my blog at the moment, and I know he’s heard it. Hey Jesse!)
Really? Is that newsworthy? I don’t think it is. And it leaves me scratching my head and wondering what has happened to broadcast journalism (and journalism in general). It’s gotten to the point where I can’t really watch the news anymore. It’s too painful to watch. Most news reports lack any substance and don’t report on the truly important things going on in the world and in the community. They seem to follow a simple rubric of throw in a couple murders or accidents, followed by a political story, a financial story, a story about a bake sale or some charity, followed by some scare tactic about some group in the world who (I’m made to believe) wants to kill me for some random reason, followed by a shot of a squirrel on water skies. Meanwhile, the news hosts are “acting” like robots, turning serious when the need arises, and then instantly switching to charming and delightful on command. It’s disgusting. And it gets even worse with news channels. I remember when Obama was in the midst of his inauguration, and he was taking a train ride to Washington (don’t remember where from). CNN covered the entire 7-8 hour train ride. It was 7-8 hours of Obama’s train, with detailed accounts of the route, and what Obama was wearing and where he was at every second of the trip. And why did they do this? Because they have to fill 17 hours a day with news, and they spend their time focusing on the least important things, while major news events from around the world go unattended. And I don’t think for a second that there will ever be a day, where 8 hours go by, in which there isn’t something more important or more newsworthy than Barack Obama riding a train.
Ultimately, I want a return to the days of men like Edward Murrow and Martha Gellhorn. I want the news to ask the risky and tough questions of our government and of our political forces. I want to know what is happening in other places in the world, and who is fighting who, and why they are fighting. I want to understand why the economy is in shambles, and who is responsible for that, and what measures are being taken to fix the economy and reprimand those who are responsible. I want to know of situations where people are being taken advantage of and what is being done to help them and what my government and other governments are going to do about it. And I want journalists to actually do their homework and have credible sources. I read an article today about a 22 year old student who put a fake quote on Wikipedia to see if it would be picked up, only to have several papers use it without any reference to Wikipedia. Journalists have to stop being lazy and grow a pair of balls.
In all honesty, and I am deadly serious about this, I believe that Jon Stewart is one of the best journalists out there today. He is under no obligation to have any journalistic integrity, yet he consistently delivers news that is important, as well as provides insightful and critical interviews. Two examples of things that I just recently watched: 1) when he went on crossfire and ruined Tucker Carlson, and 2) when Jim Cramer (of CNBC’s Mad Money) came on the shoe and Stewart basically made him apologize for making a game out of the finances of the average person, while lying through his teeth. He’s amazing! And maybe he is in a special position to do that. Maybe because he is on a comedy network, he can be the type of journalist that the world needs because, as long as he is funny about it, he can stay on the air. Maybe people enjoy watching his show for comedy and prefer watching CNN for 8 hour train rides. I don’t know?
I guess, in the end, the news is just about entertainment. News channels couldn’t exist if they weren’t making money, which requires them to bring in an audience to bring in advertising dollars. In order to bring in the audience, I guess they have use scare tactics, celebrity voyeurism, and pandering to different interest groups. I would love to see the news become less about profit and more about honest and important journalism. But then less people would watch it and maybe it’s better to have people watching then news then not? Even if that news is of a much lower quality then it should be? Maybe the future is in blogging and other areas like that, where there is less emphasis on money making, and less need for censorship and pandering to the masses.
Anyway, I suggest watching Good Night and Good Luck (Edward Murrow is the fucking man), Frost vs Nixon, and the Daily Show (and to a lesser extent, the Colbert Report).
(Won’t Get Fooled Again by The Who, from the album Who’s Next. If you haven’t listened to this ... you need to ... right now! However, I’m fairly certain that Jesse is the only person who reads my blog at the moment, and I know he’s heard it. Hey Jesse!)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Good Times Bad Times
I would really like to be in an intense argument with a girlfriend. I know, this doesn’t seem to make much sense. You’re probably wondering why anyone would ever want such a thing. You’re probably wondering why or how I even thought about this. A little explanation is required.
This past weekend I went to a friend’s cottage in Bobcaygeon (not sure if that’s how you spell it). I was visiting with my friend and his girlfriend, and we were driving in the car. My friend’s girlfriend was in the back and she was saying how she could hear something wrong with the car, how the wheel was making some kind of strange noise. My friend and I couldn’t hear anything. She kept mentioning it and my friend kept asking what he could do about it. Eventually they both started getting angry about the whole thing, and eventually my friend said the he would get out of the car, sit in the back and listen, and she could drive. They both started in with raised voices at each other, and eventually got out of the car and started arguing outside. Eventually they both got back in the car and we continued on our way in silence. After a little bit, talking started again, there were some words of apology from both sides and the issue was put in the past. For the rest of the weekend, my friend and his girlfriend were completely happy (and even a little touchy, which most couples seem to be).
Now, I need to stress that my friend and his girlfriend are an awesome couple. She is absolutely wonderful, he’s basically a brother, and they are perfect together. So I found it a little discomforting when they started arguing. I was a bit worried about it at first. I got to thinking that maybe things weren’t going well between them and that their relationship might be in trouble. Then I had one of those epiphany moments, where I overcome my ignorance and naivety, and learn a profound and startling truth that everyone already knows. Fighting in relationships is natural and somewhat healthy. I’ve heard it before, but it never sunk in until then. It’s always been something that I’ve sought to avoid in my life and in my relationships. I thought that it would be easy to avoid but the truth is that the only way to avoid it would be to avoid relationships. I always sought to avoid it by being dishonest or indecisive about choices or views. It’s hard to argue about something when you both feel the same way. It’s also hard to argue when one person just gives up, and concedes all decisions to the other person. The problem with this, however, is that it stops any growth of the relationship (and makes you a pussy doormat). Occasionally you need to argue and fight; it helps you sort your feelings out and helps to humble both people. Ultimately, assuming you don’t argue and fight all the time, it should strengthen your relationship and make you both realize why you’re in the relationship.
So, as I said at the beginning, I would really like to be in an intense argument with a girlfriend. I would like this because, it means that: A)I have a girlfriend (which is always cool); B)I am not being a pussy doormat; C)We’re comfortable enough with each other to yell at each other; and D)It’s helping me to realize whether I want to continue being in that relationship or not. Only having good times would be easy. Who would ever want to end a relationship if it were only good times. It’s going through the bad times that helps you figure out whether the relationship is worth keeping, and if it is, how lucky you are to be in the relationship.
And with that, I’m done.
p.s. I think I’m going to expand on the letters to friends post, as well as removing the love section of that post, as I feel that the love section is shit and it deserves its own post.
(Good Times Bad Times, from Led Zeppelin’s debut album Led Zeppelin (I couldn’t think of a title until I finished the post and randomly decided to listen to Led Zeppelin)).
This past weekend I went to a friend’s cottage in Bobcaygeon (not sure if that’s how you spell it). I was visiting with my friend and his girlfriend, and we were driving in the car. My friend’s girlfriend was in the back and she was saying how she could hear something wrong with the car, how the wheel was making some kind of strange noise. My friend and I couldn’t hear anything. She kept mentioning it and my friend kept asking what he could do about it. Eventually they both started getting angry about the whole thing, and eventually my friend said the he would get out of the car, sit in the back and listen, and she could drive. They both started in with raised voices at each other, and eventually got out of the car and started arguing outside. Eventually they both got back in the car and we continued on our way in silence. After a little bit, talking started again, there were some words of apology from both sides and the issue was put in the past. For the rest of the weekend, my friend and his girlfriend were completely happy (and even a little touchy, which most couples seem to be).
Now, I need to stress that my friend and his girlfriend are an awesome couple. She is absolutely wonderful, he’s basically a brother, and they are perfect together. So I found it a little discomforting when they started arguing. I was a bit worried about it at first. I got to thinking that maybe things weren’t going well between them and that their relationship might be in trouble. Then I had one of those epiphany moments, where I overcome my ignorance and naivety, and learn a profound and startling truth that everyone already knows. Fighting in relationships is natural and somewhat healthy. I’ve heard it before, but it never sunk in until then. It’s always been something that I’ve sought to avoid in my life and in my relationships. I thought that it would be easy to avoid but the truth is that the only way to avoid it would be to avoid relationships. I always sought to avoid it by being dishonest or indecisive about choices or views. It’s hard to argue about something when you both feel the same way. It’s also hard to argue when one person just gives up, and concedes all decisions to the other person. The problem with this, however, is that it stops any growth of the relationship (and makes you a pussy doormat). Occasionally you need to argue and fight; it helps you sort your feelings out and helps to humble both people. Ultimately, assuming you don’t argue and fight all the time, it should strengthen your relationship and make you both realize why you’re in the relationship.
So, as I said at the beginning, I would really like to be in an intense argument with a girlfriend. I would like this because, it means that: A)I have a girlfriend (which is always cool); B)I am not being a pussy doormat; C)We’re comfortable enough with each other to yell at each other; and D)It’s helping me to realize whether I want to continue being in that relationship or not. Only having good times would be easy. Who would ever want to end a relationship if it were only good times. It’s going through the bad times that helps you figure out whether the relationship is worth keeping, and if it is, how lucky you are to be in the relationship.
And with that, I’m done.
p.s. I think I’m going to expand on the letters to friends post, as well as removing the love section of that post, as I feel that the love section is shit and it deserves its own post.
(Good Times Bad Times, from Led Zeppelin’s debut album Led Zeppelin (I couldn’t think of a title until I finished the post and randomly decided to listen to Led Zeppelin)).
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Girls Got Rhythm
Girls are wonderful! Seriously though, I love the female sex. And so does ACDC, which is quite apparent from the ridiculously large number of songs that have to do with ladies. And since I’m listening to a bunch of ACDC, and it’s such an important issue in my life, I might as well talk about women in this posting. Plus, with summer just around the corner (17 degrees on Friday ... ah yeah!), it won’t be long until all the girls are out in full force with minimal clothing cover (which is just wonderful!), so I best get this posting out so I can spend more time outside.
I have liked girls for as long as I can remember, which is a bit strange when you think about it. Usually boys go through that period where they hate girls, but I never had that. I pretended I did. I pretended that girls were gross and had cooties (which was later changed to syphilis in health class) because that was what was expected of me, and I would be made fun of for liking girls. I have never, however, wavered in my liking of girls. When I was 2 or 3 years old, I remember asking a girl to marry me as I was leaving daycare. We were both walking out with our mothers, and I asked the question. Both our mothers thought it was so sweet and laughed in that way that mothers do when they think something is funny, sweet and innocent. I felt kind of embarrassed by it. I didn’t understand why they were laughing at me ... I didn’t think it was funny. But that was my first attempt at trying to form a relationship with a girl that was beyond friendship. I would like to say that it has gone much smoother since then but surprisingly it hasn’t (I would even like to say that there has been no more laughter but, that has not been the case). Since that day, I have liked girls and they have been on my mind everyday for ages.
So why do I like them? I don’t know ... I just do. Somewhere in the hardwiring of my brain is programming to make me like girls. When I see them, I’m sure there is some sort of chemical reaction that occurs which makes my pulse quicken, ties my tongue and makes my brain essentially useless for communication of anything beyond simple fragmented sentences and words that are quite lacking in syllables (that’s sort of a joke, although there are times when I talk to some girls, that when I leave the conversation, I have absolutely no idea what I just said or where I was). So what is about girls that I like? As I explained earlier today to my roommate and his girlfriend, from a purely physical perspective, I am a face man. A nice face is more important than anything else. She could have the greatest body in the world but, an unattractive face is a deal breaker (Just to clarify, the concept that looks don’t matter is absolute bullshit, and anyone who says it is lying. Looks are important to any relationship beyond friendship ... if you are not attracted to their appearance, how can you expect to have a physical relationship ... attraction is a necessity). In particular, I am a big fan of a nice smile ... if a girl has a nice smile, I am sold. That being said, breasts and other body areas are also nice but I’m of the opinion that there is no such thing as too small of breasts or ass or anything like that. There is an upper limit; however, as I am just not that into huge amounts of fat (I’m sorry if it offensive but, it is true). Besides physical attributes, a nice personality is an absolute must ... I cannot do a relationship based purely on physical attractiveness. If I can’t have a decent conversation or if I don’t respect what the other person is saying, then its game over. It’s at this point where it gets confusing for me. Obviously there are particular traits and characteristics that I would prefer over others ... everyone have these preferences. I am not sure, however, how good these preferences are and if they are important to have. For example, I am really interested in outdoor sports and activities, and it would seem obvious to find a girl like that. However, might it not also be alright to find a girl who isn’t interested in those things but is understanding of my interest and has no problem with me pursuing those activities ... as long as issue does not cause problems, does it matter if the girl likes it or not? Would the relationship be better if the girl did like it? Who knows ... I am sure there are many schools of thought and opinions on this ... I have no idea. I guess it comes down to the whole idea of opposites attracting (perhaps a discussion for another posting) ... I don’t know how I feel about that though. So yeah, I like girls for many reasons, and I like many things about them (I really like how they smell too ... those fragrancy things that girls use (whether it be specials soaps, shampoos, perfumes, lotions, etc.) are just wonderful ... especially anything that smells like coconut or pina colada ... those scents are magnificent ... they make me lose my mind a little bit (and jizz in my pants (Andy Samberg is a comic genius))).
So what do I know about girls? Not that much ... girls are confusing. I have learned a bit (both about them and myself). I have learned that girls are irrational. Often times they act in a way and do things that make no sense to me or any other guys I talk to. Now, I am not trying to say that this is a bad thing but it is the truth. It’s just that girls are irrational and so are guys but they are different types of irrationality. Girls do stuff that doesn’t make sense to guys and guys do things that don’t make sense to girls. There is a whole host of reasons why this is and might be. There are lots of different psychological theories, and behavioural evolution theories. It’s not really important at the moment. What is important is that men and women are different and that we will behave differently.
Here is what I have learned about some of them and myself: being a doormat is not a good thing. I routinely fall into the position of trying to do everything for them and to please them in every conceivable way, to the point where I begin to change. Initially, I start out not caring what they think ... I make crude jokes, say insensitive things (which I really don’t mean) and am not afraid to say any idea that I have (including my idea that homosexuality was against nature ... an idea I once had when I was a naive and ignorant first year student ... I have since stopped being as ignorant and naive). However, after a certain amount of time, I find that I start to say less crude things, less offensive things and start to say the ideas that I think should be said, and not the ones that I actually have. (Sorry to break the thought ... I just switched over to Rainbow in the Dark by Ronnie James Dio ... soooooo good!). Furthermore, I begin to become really indecisive about everything, not wanting to do something that the girl may not enjoy. So I leave it up to the girl ... and gradually as things progress, I slowly stop being recognizable as myself, and become what I think the girl wants, despite having already been what the girl wanted in the first place. Then everything goes to hell and I end up standing on her front lawn in a leather jacket with a boom box over my head playing a Peter Gabriel song (no that has never happened, although I am not sure what movie it is from but I have seen it done in South Park). The worst part about it is that I hate myself when I become like that. I’m not sure why I do it, although I can make several guesses concerning issues related to upbringing and self-esteem. Regardless, I’ve figured that out, which is an important step. Plus, I am sick of being that way. I hate it and I refuse to do it anymore. That being said, I may sometimes be indecisive or do really nice things with no apparent motive (i.e. I will gladly bake or cook anything a girl wants because I love baking/cooking and see it as a challenge that I love to engage). This is just because of who I am. But I think I have reached a point where I can no longer be an indecisive pussy doormat because, I really don’t care anymore. I am a nice, smart, funny, somewhat in-shape guy, who is clearly a luscious piece of man meat. I am also quite loyal and committed to relationships, and I shouldn’t have to change the fundamentals of who I am in order to impress or keep a girl. And I will not do that anymore ... for anyone. That being said, I do recognize that relationships are about compromise, and I would be reasonable about certain things, but not the fundamentals of who I am and what I believe, unless those fundamentals change or I change my opinion which is entirely possible.
Alright, I’ve ranted enough for tonight. I am sleepy. Goodnight.
(Girls Got Rhythm ... by ACDC ... from Highway to Hell (I believe but I don’t want to look it up at the moment) ... absolutely wonderful).
I have liked girls for as long as I can remember, which is a bit strange when you think about it. Usually boys go through that period where they hate girls, but I never had that. I pretended I did. I pretended that girls were gross and had cooties (which was later changed to syphilis in health class) because that was what was expected of me, and I would be made fun of for liking girls. I have never, however, wavered in my liking of girls. When I was 2 or 3 years old, I remember asking a girl to marry me as I was leaving daycare. We were both walking out with our mothers, and I asked the question. Both our mothers thought it was so sweet and laughed in that way that mothers do when they think something is funny, sweet and innocent. I felt kind of embarrassed by it. I didn’t understand why they were laughing at me ... I didn’t think it was funny. But that was my first attempt at trying to form a relationship with a girl that was beyond friendship. I would like to say that it has gone much smoother since then but surprisingly it hasn’t (I would even like to say that there has been no more laughter but, that has not been the case). Since that day, I have liked girls and they have been on my mind everyday for ages.
So why do I like them? I don’t know ... I just do. Somewhere in the hardwiring of my brain is programming to make me like girls. When I see them, I’m sure there is some sort of chemical reaction that occurs which makes my pulse quicken, ties my tongue and makes my brain essentially useless for communication of anything beyond simple fragmented sentences and words that are quite lacking in syllables (that’s sort of a joke, although there are times when I talk to some girls, that when I leave the conversation, I have absolutely no idea what I just said or where I was). So what is about girls that I like? As I explained earlier today to my roommate and his girlfriend, from a purely physical perspective, I am a face man. A nice face is more important than anything else. She could have the greatest body in the world but, an unattractive face is a deal breaker (Just to clarify, the concept that looks don’t matter is absolute bullshit, and anyone who says it is lying. Looks are important to any relationship beyond friendship ... if you are not attracted to their appearance, how can you expect to have a physical relationship ... attraction is a necessity). In particular, I am a big fan of a nice smile ... if a girl has a nice smile, I am sold. That being said, breasts and other body areas are also nice but I’m of the opinion that there is no such thing as too small of breasts or ass or anything like that. There is an upper limit; however, as I am just not that into huge amounts of fat (I’m sorry if it offensive but, it is true). Besides physical attributes, a nice personality is an absolute must ... I cannot do a relationship based purely on physical attractiveness. If I can’t have a decent conversation or if I don’t respect what the other person is saying, then its game over. It’s at this point where it gets confusing for me. Obviously there are particular traits and characteristics that I would prefer over others ... everyone have these preferences. I am not sure, however, how good these preferences are and if they are important to have. For example, I am really interested in outdoor sports and activities, and it would seem obvious to find a girl like that. However, might it not also be alright to find a girl who isn’t interested in those things but is understanding of my interest and has no problem with me pursuing those activities ... as long as issue does not cause problems, does it matter if the girl likes it or not? Would the relationship be better if the girl did like it? Who knows ... I am sure there are many schools of thought and opinions on this ... I have no idea. I guess it comes down to the whole idea of opposites attracting (perhaps a discussion for another posting) ... I don’t know how I feel about that though. So yeah, I like girls for many reasons, and I like many things about them (I really like how they smell too ... those fragrancy things that girls use (whether it be specials soaps, shampoos, perfumes, lotions, etc.) are just wonderful ... especially anything that smells like coconut or pina colada ... those scents are magnificent ... they make me lose my mind a little bit (and jizz in my pants (Andy Samberg is a comic genius))).
So what do I know about girls? Not that much ... girls are confusing. I have learned a bit (both about them and myself). I have learned that girls are irrational. Often times they act in a way and do things that make no sense to me or any other guys I talk to. Now, I am not trying to say that this is a bad thing but it is the truth. It’s just that girls are irrational and so are guys but they are different types of irrationality. Girls do stuff that doesn’t make sense to guys and guys do things that don’t make sense to girls. There is a whole host of reasons why this is and might be. There are lots of different psychological theories, and behavioural evolution theories. It’s not really important at the moment. What is important is that men and women are different and that we will behave differently.
Here is what I have learned about some of them and myself: being a doormat is not a good thing. I routinely fall into the position of trying to do everything for them and to please them in every conceivable way, to the point where I begin to change. Initially, I start out not caring what they think ... I make crude jokes, say insensitive things (which I really don’t mean) and am not afraid to say any idea that I have (including my idea that homosexuality was against nature ... an idea I once had when I was a naive and ignorant first year student ... I have since stopped being as ignorant and naive). However, after a certain amount of time, I find that I start to say less crude things, less offensive things and start to say the ideas that I think should be said, and not the ones that I actually have. (Sorry to break the thought ... I just switched over to Rainbow in the Dark by Ronnie James Dio ... soooooo good!). Furthermore, I begin to become really indecisive about everything, not wanting to do something that the girl may not enjoy. So I leave it up to the girl ... and gradually as things progress, I slowly stop being recognizable as myself, and become what I think the girl wants, despite having already been what the girl wanted in the first place. Then everything goes to hell and I end up standing on her front lawn in a leather jacket with a boom box over my head playing a Peter Gabriel song (no that has never happened, although I am not sure what movie it is from but I have seen it done in South Park). The worst part about it is that I hate myself when I become like that. I’m not sure why I do it, although I can make several guesses concerning issues related to upbringing and self-esteem. Regardless, I’ve figured that out, which is an important step. Plus, I am sick of being that way. I hate it and I refuse to do it anymore. That being said, I may sometimes be indecisive or do really nice things with no apparent motive (i.e. I will gladly bake or cook anything a girl wants because I love baking/cooking and see it as a challenge that I love to engage). This is just because of who I am. But I think I have reached a point where I can no longer be an indecisive pussy doormat because, I really don’t care anymore. I am a nice, smart, funny, somewhat in-shape guy, who is clearly a luscious piece of man meat. I am also quite loyal and committed to relationships, and I shouldn’t have to change the fundamentals of who I am in order to impress or keep a girl. And I will not do that anymore ... for anyone. That being said, I do recognize that relationships are about compromise, and I would be reasonable about certain things, but not the fundamentals of who I am and what I believe, unless those fundamentals change or I change my opinion which is entirely possible.
Alright, I’ve ranted enough for tonight. I am sleepy. Goodnight.
(Girls Got Rhythm ... by ACDC ... from Highway to Hell (I believe but I don’t want to look it up at the moment) ... absolutely wonderful).
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Heroes
I decided that marking assignments was not as important as watching 300. Mainly because, when 300 first came out, I said I would watch it 300 times. I think I've only seen it 10 times ... so I still have a ways to go on that. Wonderful movie though ... third greatest romance ever. Top 3 are: 3)Leonidas and Queen Gorgo (300), 2)Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash (Walk the Line), 1)Zack and Miri (Zack and Miri make a porno). I'm going to jump away from 300 for second, so I can talk about Zack and Miri make a porno. Greatest romance movie of all time ... I don't care what anyone says ... and I've seen Casablanca (which is absolutely wonderful ... but that's for another article and another time). They are so good together. It seems so genuine too. When they have sex, it's so tender and passionate and frigging amazing. Also, there is no more romantic and wonderful a line then when Elizabeth Banks tells Seth Rogen "if you asked me, I would dutch rudder you for the rest of our lives." Come on ... it doesn't get any more romantic than that. So yeah ... Zack and Miri make a porno = greatest romance movie ever.
Anyway ... 300 is wonderful because it has wicked good violence and fighting, as well as a wonderful romance story and wicked quotes. I decided to write after watching it because Leonidas is one of my all time favorite characters ... and there are elements of his character that I would love to incorporate into my own life. So here's a list of people and characters that are my heroes:
10)Nicholas Negroponte - founded the one laptop per child foundation, which I feel is one of the greatest charitable projects around. I recognize that there are some flaws with it but giving children access to information and education is vitally important to the future well being and progress of the human race and the earth. Hopefully, using programs, such as one laptop per child, more children can learn and transfer that knowledge to results in their own towns and countries.
9)Louis CK & Dane Cook - two of the best comedians out there. I like Dane Cook for his energy during his shows ... so much energy ... such a good show man. Louis CK is just about the funniest man I've ever heard, and I like that he doesn't pull any punches and that he basically says anything he wants, no matter how terribly offensive ... I like that.
8)Jon Stewart - the best journalist alive ... I've learned so much more from the daily show then I have from most news sources. I like that he is not only a brilliant comedian but, also he is wicked knowledgeable and he asks some of the best questions. A role model for what a through interviewer should be.
7)Richard Feynman - Possibly one of the most brillant men of all time, not included an amazing writer, and one of the most interesting people ever. He provides a nice contrast to the stereotypical scientist who only focuses in one area ... he had so many diverse interests, and he represents what a well rounded scientist should be.
6)Penn & Teller - their defense of the constitution, free speech, and their desire to debunk myths and pseudoscience has been a great source of inspiration in my life and in being a scientist. Plus, they do magic (awesome!), they're hilarious (double awesome!) and they find a way to fit nudity into all their episodes of bullshit (tripendicular!).
5)Beast - one of only two comic book characters to make the list. I like Beast because he is funny, a brilliant scientist, and an eloquent speaker. Also, his continued acceptance of human decency and his continued support of a world where human and mutant can co-exist in peace is a model for the type of attitude required for many real world situations and problems. Plus, I like how he is also willing to fight when it is required. Also, he has blue fur ... that is just wonderful.
4)Leonidas - never retreat, never surrender. Love your woman and child. Respect and honor your fellows kinsmen and enemies. Be disciplined, focused, and train your skills to be the best possible. Not too much better than that. Plus he has a super healthy relationship that is built on trust and equal balance of power. Not to mention he is a really good father, and funny. Also, his wife his hot and he is wicked good shape with rocking hard abs ... doesn't get much better than all that.
3)Tiger Woods - the greatest golfer that has ever lived. One of the most focused and disciplined athletes ever. A testament to what one can achieve with a lot of talent, and even more hard work. A man who isn't afraid of competition or competing, and who is consistent in rising to the challenge and winning. He is also a pretty model father and husband, which is very important.
2)Wolverine - my favorite super hero. He represents that hero who has to suffer so that others don't have to. In peak physical condition, with a mind to match ... he represents the hero who is trying to atone for his past sins and is trying to erase the pain and horrors of the past. I find his independent and stoic nature to be a model that I would like to follow and adopt ... although they both represent extreme cases ... and I doubt that I could ever be that stoic or independent. He is a true loner, destined to walk alone forever ... yet he doesn't give up and continues to try his best to do good and to control the animal inside. In my lonelier times, I find comfort from reading stories about him. I know he isn't real and is a fictional character ... but that doesn't mean that I can't gather some insights into my own life from him. Any revelations are good revelations.
1)Charles Darwin - I want to be Charles Darwin ... or as close to it as I can be. Seriously, I hope to be everything that he was. He represents one of those truly amazing of scientists, who take pleasure in doing science simply for the sake of knowledge. It wasn't about trying to get a job or trying to get as many publications or trying to be famous ... he simply wanted to solve the mysteries of life ... or do the best that he could. He was astoundingly clever and see all the pieces of the puzzle before most of the pieces were there. His argument for evolution is one of the most comprehensive and complete arguments that I've ever seen. And the amount of predictions that he made, which were found to be correct, are ridiculous. As far as men go, there are few that were better. Good natured and tempered, he was a wonderful husband, and father, who always had time for his family and loved them deeply. He was also a model scientist and supporter of the scientist community. All I can really hope is to learn what I can from his works and life, and hope to be as good of a scientist. And hopefully work to change the world for the better, even if it is only a little bit.
There it is. Three people who didn't make the list who I still think are wonderful are: Roger Federer, Mike Rowe and Emily Haines. Essentially, all these people are hard working people who strive for purpose in their lives and work to be the best they can for themselves and for the rest of the world. Even if some of them are fictional, these traits still apply, and I feel that they represent some model people and heroes. And with that, it is getting late, so I'm going to go to sleep and hopefully stop being sick.
(Title is from David Bowie's Heroes ... wicked good song from the album Heroes ... and seems somewhat applicable to the post in question.)
Anyway ... 300 is wonderful because it has wicked good violence and fighting, as well as a wonderful romance story and wicked quotes. I decided to write after watching it because Leonidas is one of my all time favorite characters ... and there are elements of his character that I would love to incorporate into my own life. So here's a list of people and characters that are my heroes:
10)Nicholas Negroponte - founded the one laptop per child foundation, which I feel is one of the greatest charitable projects around. I recognize that there are some flaws with it but giving children access to information and education is vitally important to the future well being and progress of the human race and the earth. Hopefully, using programs, such as one laptop per child, more children can learn and transfer that knowledge to results in their own towns and countries.
9)Louis CK & Dane Cook - two of the best comedians out there. I like Dane Cook for his energy during his shows ... so much energy ... such a good show man. Louis CK is just about the funniest man I've ever heard, and I like that he doesn't pull any punches and that he basically says anything he wants, no matter how terribly offensive ... I like that.
8)Jon Stewart - the best journalist alive ... I've learned so much more from the daily show then I have from most news sources. I like that he is not only a brilliant comedian but, also he is wicked knowledgeable and he asks some of the best questions. A role model for what a through interviewer should be.
7)Richard Feynman - Possibly one of the most brillant men of all time, not included an amazing writer, and one of the most interesting people ever. He provides a nice contrast to the stereotypical scientist who only focuses in one area ... he had so many diverse interests, and he represents what a well rounded scientist should be.
6)Penn & Teller - their defense of the constitution, free speech, and their desire to debunk myths and pseudoscience has been a great source of inspiration in my life and in being a scientist. Plus, they do magic (awesome!), they're hilarious (double awesome!) and they find a way to fit nudity into all their episodes of bullshit (tripendicular!).
5)Beast - one of only two comic book characters to make the list. I like Beast because he is funny, a brilliant scientist, and an eloquent speaker. Also, his continued acceptance of human decency and his continued support of a world where human and mutant can co-exist in peace is a model for the type of attitude required for many real world situations and problems. Plus, I like how he is also willing to fight when it is required. Also, he has blue fur ... that is just wonderful.
4)Leonidas - never retreat, never surrender. Love your woman and child. Respect and honor your fellows kinsmen and enemies. Be disciplined, focused, and train your skills to be the best possible. Not too much better than that. Plus he has a super healthy relationship that is built on trust and equal balance of power. Not to mention he is a really good father, and funny. Also, his wife his hot and he is wicked good shape with rocking hard abs ... doesn't get much better than all that.
3)Tiger Woods - the greatest golfer that has ever lived. One of the most focused and disciplined athletes ever. A testament to what one can achieve with a lot of talent, and even more hard work. A man who isn't afraid of competition or competing, and who is consistent in rising to the challenge and winning. He is also a pretty model father and husband, which is very important.
2)Wolverine - my favorite super hero. He represents that hero who has to suffer so that others don't have to. In peak physical condition, with a mind to match ... he represents the hero who is trying to atone for his past sins and is trying to erase the pain and horrors of the past. I find his independent and stoic nature to be a model that I would like to follow and adopt ... although they both represent extreme cases ... and I doubt that I could ever be that stoic or independent. He is a true loner, destined to walk alone forever ... yet he doesn't give up and continues to try his best to do good and to control the animal inside. In my lonelier times, I find comfort from reading stories about him. I know he isn't real and is a fictional character ... but that doesn't mean that I can't gather some insights into my own life from him. Any revelations are good revelations.
1)Charles Darwin - I want to be Charles Darwin ... or as close to it as I can be. Seriously, I hope to be everything that he was. He represents one of those truly amazing of scientists, who take pleasure in doing science simply for the sake of knowledge. It wasn't about trying to get a job or trying to get as many publications or trying to be famous ... he simply wanted to solve the mysteries of life ... or do the best that he could. He was astoundingly clever and see all the pieces of the puzzle before most of the pieces were there. His argument for evolution is one of the most comprehensive and complete arguments that I've ever seen. And the amount of predictions that he made, which were found to be correct, are ridiculous. As far as men go, there are few that were better. Good natured and tempered, he was a wonderful husband, and father, who always had time for his family and loved them deeply. He was also a model scientist and supporter of the scientist community. All I can really hope is to learn what I can from his works and life, and hope to be as good of a scientist. And hopefully work to change the world for the better, even if it is only a little bit.
There it is. Three people who didn't make the list who I still think are wonderful are: Roger Federer, Mike Rowe and Emily Haines. Essentially, all these people are hard working people who strive for purpose in their lives and work to be the best they can for themselves and for the rest of the world. Even if some of them are fictional, these traits still apply, and I feel that they represent some model people and heroes. And with that, it is getting late, so I'm going to go to sleep and hopefully stop being sick.
(Title is from David Bowie's Heroes ... wicked good song from the album Heroes ... and seems somewhat applicable to the post in question.)
Dazed and Confused
I have another idea. I think that I am going to pick different song titles to be the titles of my posts. I'm starting with a little led zeppelin Dazed and Confused, from their debut album Led Zeppelin 1. I chose this title because I am still sick and the cough syrup that I am taking, in conjunction with the hot toddies that I have been drinking, have made me a little out of it for the last couple days. By the way, hot toddy = hot water, shot of whiskey and a bunch of honey ... super good. So yeah, I really like music, and that will probably spill over into my posts ... as I will most likely discuss music at various points of time.
I want to make it clear that my writing on this blog and my ideas may not be the best. I am hoping to use this to develop both my writing and ideas, especially when it comes to expressing my ideas and conveying them well. So any help, ideas or comments will be greatly appreciated. Awesome.
Here are some things that I've said yes to in the last few months:
- got a tattoo (wolf paw on my right leg)
- doing a half iron man (Sept 13 in Huntsville)
- learning how to better ride a bike ... especially in the city
- learning to play the fiddle (taking lessons)
- starting a blog
- doing a half marathon in may
- training with the rowing team (which lead to my ankle sprain, which may prevent me from doing the half marathon ... although probably not, as I'll do my best to complete even if it takes me a super long time)
- baking (I've been doing a lot of this ... trying to make new and interesting things ... a couple weeks ago I made a custard tart covered with berries ... super good!)
So yeah, it's not too much but it is a start. Alright, I need to go mark some assignments.
I want to make it clear that my writing on this blog and my ideas may not be the best. I am hoping to use this to develop both my writing and ideas, especially when it comes to expressing my ideas and conveying them well. So any help, ideas or comments will be greatly appreciated. Awesome.
Here are some things that I've said yes to in the last few months:
- got a tattoo (wolf paw on my right leg)
- doing a half iron man (Sept 13 in Huntsville)
- learning how to better ride a bike ... especially in the city
- learning to play the fiddle (taking lessons)
- starting a blog
- doing a half marathon in may
- training with the rowing team (which lead to my ankle sprain, which may prevent me from doing the half marathon ... although probably not, as I'll do my best to complete even if it takes me a super long time)
- baking (I've been doing a lot of this ... trying to make new and interesting things ... a couple weeks ago I made a custard tart covered with berries ... super good!)
So yeah, it's not too much but it is a start. Alright, I need to go mark some assignments.
Letters to friends & Love
It is 2:13 in the morning, I’m sick, and I can’t sleep. I’m also listening to a combination of Metric, M.I.A., Marvin Gaye, The Temptations, The Four Tops and The Jackson Five. I’m not gonna lie ... now that I have this blog it is a little exciting. I can say stuff ... and people might read it ... that’s super cool. Even if they think I’m a raving lunatic, it doesn’t matter ... because they are reading it and hopefully it will start conversations and I can get feedback. Anywho, with my first post after my introductory post, there are two things that I want to address. The first being something that I’ve kind of said yes to doing, the second is a topic that has been increasingly on my mind as of recent. So let’s get to it.
Letters to friends
So this whole saying yes thing is about doing stuff that I might not usually do or that I might think is a good idea but never follow through on. One idea that I have for a long time was to send letters out to my friends. The purpose of the letters is to say thank you. Thank you for being there and being a friend. I know ... it is super corny. I don’t really care though. I think it is important and it needs to be said. Now this is an idea that I have had for several years but I always kept putting it off. However, several things have happened in the last few months, which make me think that it would be a good idea to do this sooner rather than later. For one, I had an old friend who died. It was a little unsettling when it happened. I hadn’t really talked to him for some time, and we hadn’t been that close since elementary school. It was still really unsettling. He was a great guy ... one of the best men I’ve ever known. If I could even come remotely close to being a guy like him, then I would be pretty happy. It was an accidental death, which made it completely unexpected. After it happened, all I could think about was all he had left to do and say to people. It got me thinking about all the stuff we never say to the truly important people in our lives, and how a lot of times it’s just too late.
Another reason for the letters are because I just moved from Vancouver to Ottawa in January and I still think about all my friends back out west, and how they impacted my life over the last 5 and a half years out there. I do miss them and I think a letter would be a good idea. Now, I’m not just going to be sending letters to people in Vancouver but, to a bunch of people. The goal is really to let people know that I appreciate them and how they may have affected my life, and to say thank you. I’m not sure how long it will take or when I will start. I do still have quite a lot to do with school and such, but I’ll try and start getting letters out soon.
Love
I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about this so much recently, but my mind has been in overdrive these last few months, thinking about anything and everything. For some reason, Love, has been at the top of the list. I’ve been thinking about the whole concept of it. I’ve also really started to think about how it is just a series of chemical reactions that go on in the brain and body. And because I am a biology nerd, I did read some papers on the chemicals behind it, as well as the fact that it is associated with similar chemicals and regions of the brain implicated in OCD (pretty interesting). I also tried thinking about it from an evolutionary perspective, and how the chemicals may have evolved to increase pair bonding and other things like that. I got a little obsessed with it for a while, and how if it is just chemicals, then it is somehow devalued. Then I talked to a wise biology graduate student who reminded me “So what if it’s only chemicals and a mechanism. Fuck the mechanism. It’s still real. It still requires another person and it’s still a link.” So true.
Another time, someone asked me if I had ever been in love ... and I answered that I wasn’t entirely sure ... I mean how can anyone really know? I’ve heard so many different theories on love from different people. How there are different types, and different levels, and how one person has only experienced level 4 love, and how to get to level 9 they have to slay the dragon guarding the secret door and all sorts of random gibberish like that. This really didn’t help me to answer the question. The often quoted line is “When you’re in love, you’ll know.” That doesn’t help at all. But I’ve come up with a question that can help determine it. Here it is: Let’s say there is a man/woman that you think you might be in love with. If someone came up to you and offered you a billion dollars (or a trillion or any amount of money or stuff) provided that you did not have a relationship with that person or do anything with that person, what would you do? Now here is how you know. If you choose the money, you’re not in love. Why? Because that’s the rational choice, and love really isn’t that rational. Think about it. If you got a billion dollars, you could quit your job and spend your time in the gym getting in shape, and out in bars/clubs/social activities where you would be able to meet lots of different people and presumably find someone else. If you really love the person though, you’ll choose the person over the money because you’ll recognize the obvious fact that they’re always making more money but that person is one of a kind, and therefore, priceless (pretty good huh!).
One last thing on love. We all experience it differently. Some people have the ability to fall in love easily, while others take a while. What I want to stress though, is that there is no time frame and every case is different. So don’t listen to people when they tell you that it is too early or late to fall in love ... because that is just plain wrong. And if you like someone, and you think they might like you, grow a pair and tell them ... worst case scenario, you get rejected, and you join the club comprised of everybody. Cool. Alrighty, well it is now 3:08 and my music has stopped, so I think it good to call it a night here. I’ve said all I need to say for now.
p.s. Also, despite the term being on urban dictionary since 2005, I independently came up with it this year and so I am staking a claim to it. The word is loke, and it refers to when you like someone but don’t yet love them. I’m pretty proud of it. I’m kind of a big deal.
Friday, April 3, 2009
I have a blog .... neat!
Alright, I've decided to start a blog. Well, actually, I was told that I should start a blog to detail my attempts at trying to say yes more, and seeing as I am trying to say yes more, I had to say yes to starting a blog. So here it is. To be honest, I used to be, and am still somewhat against blogs. I am against the blogs that are essentially just online journals or diaries. It's one thing if you use it to present different views or opinions but, it's another thing to spend your time talking about what you did all day. That just represents my own opinion ... and is not right or wrong. If you disagree with me on it ... good for you. I don't care. It's a nonsensical opinion and I don't feel like getting into any sort of discussion about it ... so there. That being said, I will try my best to avoid this becoming any kind of journal that details my daily events. I will eventually make reference to things that have happened or that I have done but I hope that it will be part of a greater point that I am trying to make (for example, if I were to say that I saw the film Milk, I hope that it would be part of a bigger message on my views on homosexuality ... or something like that).
So, this blog will hopefully serve two purposes: 1) detail things that I have said yes to doing (that I might not normally have said yes to), and 2) express various opinions, thoughts, and such. Let me explain. For the first part, I agreed to try and say yes to everything for a year. Is it based on the film Yes Man? No. Is it based on the book Yes Man? Yes. I read the book in between my move from Vancouver to Ottawa, and I found it to be quite inspirational and a very good idea. Basically, it got me thinking about all the times I say no in my life, and how, for the most part, it has negatively impacted my life. There are the occasional times where saying no has been a good thing (i.e. saying no to drinking super amounts of alcohol or hooking up with a random girl who breaks your window trying to get into your room (still a good story though)). However, it has mostly led to me not doing as much as I would like to, and missing out on really cool things. I mean, if you say no, it's done. There is no story, there is no experience ... it's over. But if you say yes, you never know where things can go. Also, I was getting tired of sitting at home and watching tv and generally not having that good of a time. So there you go ... I've decided to try saying yes, it is entirely based on the book Yes Man, and I am quite enjoying it up to this point. Now for the second part. In the last few months, I've been having lots of different discussions about a range of topics with people in school and my roommates and friends and random people I've met for the first time. As a result, I've found that my opinions have changed on different topics and that my arguments have become strengthened. I feel that constant discussion has helped me to strengthen my skills and opinions, and has made me more open to criticism. I would say that in many respects and on many topics I have changed, and that I am not entirely the same person that I was when I left Vancouver. Therefore, I want to use this blog to also toss out ideas and opinions on various topics. There will be no rhyme or reason to it ... anything I feel like writing about. The goal, hopefully, is that by writing about different topics, I can reason out and solidfy where I stand when it comes to different topics. I also hope that by people commenting on my thoughts, I will able to build better arguments, and throw out weak arguments for stronger ones. So to anyone who reads this: please rip apart my arguments if they are flawed. If I say something that doesn't make any sense, rip it to shreds. If you do a good enough job, and if your point is valid enough, I will change my mind ... I don't like to cling to wrong arguments just so I can never be wrong. There are some issues where there will be disagreement simply because of where we stand and what type of people we are. That's cool ... I encourage any arguments and any comments. It would be really neat to get discussions going or at least to get points made and have the discussion moved to another site (I'm not sure if this blog site is designed in a way to allow for large discussions .... seems like I would need a message board or something else). If anyone knows anything about that ... let me know. Awesome.
Well ... this is pretty much all I wanted to say in this introductory message. Hope things are well with everyone.
So, this blog will hopefully serve two purposes: 1) detail things that I have said yes to doing (that I might not normally have said yes to), and 2) express various opinions, thoughts, and such. Let me explain. For the first part, I agreed to try and say yes to everything for a year. Is it based on the film Yes Man? No. Is it based on the book Yes Man? Yes. I read the book in between my move from Vancouver to Ottawa, and I found it to be quite inspirational and a very good idea. Basically, it got me thinking about all the times I say no in my life, and how, for the most part, it has negatively impacted my life. There are the occasional times where saying no has been a good thing (i.e. saying no to drinking super amounts of alcohol or hooking up with a random girl who breaks your window trying to get into your room (still a good story though)). However, it has mostly led to me not doing as much as I would like to, and missing out on really cool things. I mean, if you say no, it's done. There is no story, there is no experience ... it's over. But if you say yes, you never know where things can go. Also, I was getting tired of sitting at home and watching tv and generally not having that good of a time. So there you go ... I've decided to try saying yes, it is entirely based on the book Yes Man, and I am quite enjoying it up to this point. Now for the second part. In the last few months, I've been having lots of different discussions about a range of topics with people in school and my roommates and friends and random people I've met for the first time. As a result, I've found that my opinions have changed on different topics and that my arguments have become strengthened. I feel that constant discussion has helped me to strengthen my skills and opinions, and has made me more open to criticism. I would say that in many respects and on many topics I have changed, and that I am not entirely the same person that I was when I left Vancouver. Therefore, I want to use this blog to also toss out ideas and opinions on various topics. There will be no rhyme or reason to it ... anything I feel like writing about. The goal, hopefully, is that by writing about different topics, I can reason out and solidfy where I stand when it comes to different topics. I also hope that by people commenting on my thoughts, I will able to build better arguments, and throw out weak arguments for stronger ones. So to anyone who reads this: please rip apart my arguments if they are flawed. If I say something that doesn't make any sense, rip it to shreds. If you do a good enough job, and if your point is valid enough, I will change my mind ... I don't like to cling to wrong arguments just so I can never be wrong. There are some issues where there will be disagreement simply because of where we stand and what type of people we are. That's cool ... I encourage any arguments and any comments. It would be really neat to get discussions going or at least to get points made and have the discussion moved to another site (I'm not sure if this blog site is designed in a way to allow for large discussions .... seems like I would need a message board or something else). If anyone knows anything about that ... let me know. Awesome.
Well ... this is pretty much all I wanted to say in this introductory message. Hope things are well with everyone.
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