Don't Stop Believin

Well, it’s been quite a while since I last posted. Sorry about that. I’ve been busy with different things, and to be honest, I just couldn’t think of anything to write about. Fragments of thoughts and ideas came to mind but nothing complete enough to warrant writing an entry. I’m not sure if the following entry or entries will be entirely complete or if they will be fragmented ideas that need further nurturing and expansion. As usual, I can only hope that the few readers I have can bear with it, and offer constructive criticism or comments, and that perhaps, this will make you think, if only a little bit.

I started this blog to talk about things I had said yes to, as well as means to organize my thoughts and deal with problems I was facing. Around the start of November, I entered into a relationship with a most delightful girl. It was something that had been sort of building for a few months before hand, and it was a decision that I was somewhat hesitant about because of some other issues. Despite these issues, I chose to seize the day and say yes. This relationship ended a couple days ago, and I have been thinking about it quite a bit over the last few days. I have some thoughts on it, and I feel it necessary to share them here.

Firstly, I want to talk about the girl. She is friggin awesome. You could look for a thousand years in a thousand different places and not find many better than her. She’s smart, good looking and a hoot to hang out with. The best part about her though is her mind and her inquisitive nature. I absolutely love talking to this girl. Every time I do, I come away changed in some small way. Whether it’s through challenging my ideas or explaining something entirely foreign to me, she makes me think and she makes me grow. Plus she’s always so cheery, and she always has something nice to say. She’s a beam of sunshine, if ever a person could be called one.

Now that I’ve established that the girl is awesome, I guess the question is: what went wrong or why did I have doubts? Well, that can be summed up by the following: it moved too quickly. Ever eager to enter into a relationship, I said yes, when I should have thought about it more. If I’d taken a bit more time and really thought about it, I would have realized that a relationship was not right for this point in time, and that it seemed a bit too forced. I was perfectly happy with being good friends and spending the odd time together talking. Hell, I would have been happier with spending a bit more time together, and really getting to know her well. I didn’t need a relationship at that point, which is kind of where all my doubt came from. It’s not that I didn’t need a relationship specifically from her but that I doubt whether I need one at all at the moment. In earlier posts, I’ve talked about my desire for a relationship, and how girls are awesome, and all the rest. But, in the last few months, I’ve really come to appreciate being single to a degree. There is a freedom to it that is quite enjoyable. And so, my main doubt, the one thing that clogged up my mind, was whether I should even be in a relationship. And I don’t think I should have been.

Now, I want to make it perfectly clear that this does not mean that I should not have eventually been in a relationship with this girl, nor do I want to imply that a relationship in the future with this girl is out of the question or wrong ...that is a question for another time, and one that I cannot answer at the moment (as I can’t predict the future despite my best attempts). If a time comes when we are more aligned with each other, and there seems to be a need or desire for a relationship, then I would not be opposed, and would welcome it with open arms (as I’ve said, she’s friggin awesome). But for the time being, and for the immediate future anyway, it isn’t right. She’s got her road and I have mine. But I will work super hard to ensure that we can be good friends, and then great friends, and then even, dare I say, BFFs (oh, I dared to say it!).

What have I learned from all of this? Relationships aren’t a requirement (at least for me). There are some people who spend all their time in relationships, and when one ends, the next begins. That ain’t me. I’ve spent too much of my life single, to the point where I don’t need one to feel good. That’s not to say that I won’t continue to try them and look around. But I guess I’ll be a bit more critical about them in the future. That leaves me wondering whether I should be ? Should you really weigh the pros and cons before hand, or should you jump right in and sort it out as you go? I have no idea.

In closing, I would like to say that girls are pretty and confusing. And that there is one girl out there who is friggin awesome, who I am looking forward to getting to know a lot better, without the stresses and doubts of a relationship to get in the way.

P.S. Hopefully I’ll start writing more now. I feel a need to get things out of my head. It’s too cluttered.

P.P.S. Title is Don’t Stop Believin by Journey from their 1981 album Escape. Super good song.