New World Man

The end of the year is upon us and it is almost time to start a new year and decade. I’m quite excited by this because, I find that the end of the year is a good time to reflect on the past year and decide what changes need to be made. I know that this shouldn’t necessarily be a once a year thing (and it isn’t for me) but, I find I have a bunch of down time at the end of the year, and being at home by myself, I find that I am often in a reflective mood.

Last year, I read Yes Man, and decided to adapt a more positive attitude and try to say yes to everything that came my way. Now this didn’t pan out as well as I would have hoped but, a lot of good came from it (this blog being one). I feel that it opened me up to a lot of new things, and helped me gain some more confidence and have a little fun.

Well, I just finished Yes Man again, and it got me thinking about things. My last two posts have been somewhat self-pitying and negative. They were helpful at the time, and they were useful for realizing some things about myself. But at the end of the day, I was left with problems and not really any understanding of why they existed or what I could do about them. I was left feeling somewhat hindered by the things that I had learned, and it has made me feel kind of crummy.

In my last posts, I outlined negative things about myself, and attempted to explain why they occur. And in the last few weeks, I’ve thought a lot about those things, and the potential reasons why they occur. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter.

We are, to some degree anyway, defined by our pasts. The person we are is based on what we have done and been. Our past choices are what have brought us to the points in our lives that we are at. This is what I have spent time focusing on. But I don’t think it should be. Just because I am a product of my past does not mean that I must continue to be that same product. It’s very easy to blame the problems in our lives or ourselves on some past events, but that doesn’t necessarily help them go away. At some point, you have to recognize the problems, and decide whether you want them to continue or not. Now in some cases it may take a bit more effort to get rid of them than others. But more often than not, I think it’s simply a matter of deciding to change and then doing it.

So for the new year (and right now as well) I’ve decided to change in the following ways:

1)Stop being as shy

It always takes me a little while to get to know people and feel comfortable around people, and often times, I am very quiet at the start. So, I am going to try and be more outgoing from the start and be more confident.

2)Become more self-confident and up the self-esteem

Not sure why my self-confidence and self-esteem have been low ... but it doesn’t matter.
I’m a luscious piece of man meat, and anyone who doesn’t like me can go fuck themselves. Not saying that I’m perfect or that I don’t have things that need to be changed. But I’ll deal with those things as they come.

3)Throw out the unrealistic beliefs that I will cause people pain or that I am not worthy of relationships

Really not sure where all this came from. Fuck it. Let’s throw it.

So there we go. Those are my three changes in attitude that I would like to change for the new year. I can’t promise that it will always happen but I am going to work hard on it. Also, I want to stop saying sorry as much. I say it too often and for no particularly good reason. Guess it is a throwback to younger days. Time to stop saying it as much.

Bring on the new year, and all its wonder and glory. Some things to think about. In the following decade, there is a good chance that I will potentially get married, have a child, purchase a home, and get a real job. How crazy is that?

(New World Man ... from the Album 'Signals' ... by Rush ... Geddy Lee and Neil Peart ... fucking amazing!)