It’s taken me 23 years but I have finally done it ... I have read Atlas Shrugged! I was told ahead of time by some that it was a decent book but long winded at some points, and by others, that it was tediously boring. I found it to be one of the better books that I have ever read, and despite being 1070 pages of some of the smallest print I’ve ever seen, I had trouble putting it down. I will admit that John Galt’s 60 page speech was a little much, as it was heavily philosophical and took me a little bit to get through. Nonetheless, I absolutely loved it all.
While reading this book, I think I came the closest I’ve ever come to crying while reading a book. When she described working, and the joys associated with creating and building and putting in a hard day’s work and being a producer, it made me feel a sense of admiration for the great men of the past who designed and labored to build the world around us (which is really amazing when you think about it). When she described the fall of New York, the decay of the world, and the senseless and lazy attitudes of many of the looters, I felt anger, frustration and disgust. I’ve always valued work but I’ve never really been able to put it in the terms that she did. I’ve idolized many of the most prominent men in history, men of science and industry, art and literature, men who used their skills to create new ideas, theories, structures, machines, etc. In them, I see the potential of man, when given the natural talent and an unending desire to work and to create. That idea of accomplishing something, and not just stopping, but continuing further, is at the heart of every explorer and inventor who has ever lived. These are the men who’s stories I’ve heard over my life and who exploits have driven my goals and dreams. But I’ve also known the other men of her story first hand. I shall jump into a story if I may (of course I may, this is my blog). During the summer of 2005 and 2006, I worked in a unionized truck factory in my home town. My father worked there as well, and I was eager to impress him and to show that I could do a good job. While I worked there, I thought of different ways that could potentially increase efficiency while limiting waste and making the factory a more enjoyable and profitable venture. I don’t know if they would have worked but I thought about it nonetheless. However, as my time there increased, I found it increasingly difficult to work, as well as an increasingly more depressing place to be. Since it was a unionized factory, and I worked on the assembly line with other workers, I was present for large amounts of union rhetoric, which in a general and simplified form equates to “do the minimum amount of work not to get fired, take every advantage to sit down, and bitch to the union rep about everything”. I liked doing my work. I enjoyed the feeling of going in and earning my money through manual labor. I liked learning how to do things, how to use tools, what tools were called, etc. I also didn’t like my breaks. I found they made the day go slower, and as I was on the assembly line, I wanted to get a bit ahead so that I wouldn’t be too rushed while the line was moving, so that I could do a better job. Instead, if I was ever caught working during my break by a unionized employee, I was told to stop working and sit down. They were telling me not to work. They also tried to tell me how the company owed them. Now I propose the question: what does any company owe its workers? It owes them something of value (money) for the work they put in. That’s it. It doesn’t owe any worker a job. It doesn’t owe any worker more money then it feels like paying. It shouldn’t owe the worker overtime hours, increased overtime pay, a ridiculous retirement pension or anything else. Yet that’s how a lot of workers felt. It sickened me and I disliked working there, not because of the work but because of the “looter” attitude that many people had.
Something that I have had to confront since having finished Atlas Shrugged is this: Am I a looter? I don’t mind doing a hard day’s work for money. I don’t usually complain while I do it and I try to do my best while I work. I try to be respectful of my employers and try to ensure that I earn the money they are paying. That being said, I am a lazy person. When it comes to my own work, I’ve been a slacker to this point. People congratulate me on graduating from university, as if it is some major accomplishment. Yet, I didn’t do too much work until then end, and operated far below my potential. I still found it easy to do and don’t see why people should be so quick to congratulate me. Since then, I have done work on my master’s thesis, but far less then I could have. I have tried to get financial grants when I felt that I didn’t deserve it. Ultimately, I aspire to be like the producers of the novel (albeit not as fantastical, as Rand paints them as supermen) but I feel more like a looter or a moocher, preferring to follow instead of lead. I wonder, therefore, whether recognition of being a looter is enough to alter it and become a man of production, and whether I have it within me to become greater than I am?
I will need to think more about this, as well as, read more Ayn Rand (and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, as Justin has told me to). I’m sure there will be more posts in the days to come.
(Song title - Achilles Last Stand, from Led Zeppelin's Presence ... so magical, and Achilles is greek and Atlas is greek ... I know it's a weak connection but I can't think of any good songs to link to Atlas Shrugged)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Won't Get Fooled Again
I’ve wanted to write about this for a couple weeks but I was having trouble getting started. I couldn’t think of the best way to get started until today. As I was reading the news on Yahoo, I came across an article on the front page that was talking about a new scandal sweeping through the Obama administration. Apparently, Fox news reported that Barack Obama put Dijon mustard on his hamburger, and MSNBC, which is apparently favourable to Barack, chose to edit the clip of him ordering a burger, so as to avoid showing the president asking for Dijon mustard. It seems that Fox news feels that Barack ordering Dijon mustard on a burger is evidence that he is elitist and not in touch with the American population, and also, that MSNBC is in the back pocket of Barack and the Democratic Party, covering up any situations which may spell trouble for the democrats and their new found power.
Really? Is that newsworthy? I don’t think it is. And it leaves me scratching my head and wondering what has happened to broadcast journalism (and journalism in general). It’s gotten to the point where I can’t really watch the news anymore. It’s too painful to watch. Most news reports lack any substance and don’t report on the truly important things going on in the world and in the community. They seem to follow a simple rubric of throw in a couple murders or accidents, followed by a political story, a financial story, a story about a bake sale or some charity, followed by some scare tactic about some group in the world who (I’m made to believe) wants to kill me for some random reason, followed by a shot of a squirrel on water skies. Meanwhile, the news hosts are “acting” like robots, turning serious when the need arises, and then instantly switching to charming and delightful on command. It’s disgusting. And it gets even worse with news channels. I remember when Obama was in the midst of his inauguration, and he was taking a train ride to Washington (don’t remember where from). CNN covered the entire 7-8 hour train ride. It was 7-8 hours of Obama’s train, with detailed accounts of the route, and what Obama was wearing and where he was at every second of the trip. And why did they do this? Because they have to fill 17 hours a day with news, and they spend their time focusing on the least important things, while major news events from around the world go unattended. And I don’t think for a second that there will ever be a day, where 8 hours go by, in which there isn’t something more important or more newsworthy than Barack Obama riding a train.
Ultimately, I want a return to the days of men like Edward Murrow and Martha Gellhorn. I want the news to ask the risky and tough questions of our government and of our political forces. I want to know what is happening in other places in the world, and who is fighting who, and why they are fighting. I want to understand why the economy is in shambles, and who is responsible for that, and what measures are being taken to fix the economy and reprimand those who are responsible. I want to know of situations where people are being taken advantage of and what is being done to help them and what my government and other governments are going to do about it. And I want journalists to actually do their homework and have credible sources. I read an article today about a 22 year old student who put a fake quote on Wikipedia to see if it would be picked up, only to have several papers use it without any reference to Wikipedia. Journalists have to stop being lazy and grow a pair of balls.
In all honesty, and I am deadly serious about this, I believe that Jon Stewart is one of the best journalists out there today. He is under no obligation to have any journalistic integrity, yet he consistently delivers news that is important, as well as provides insightful and critical interviews. Two examples of things that I just recently watched: 1) when he went on crossfire and ruined Tucker Carlson, and 2) when Jim Cramer (of CNBC’s Mad Money) came on the shoe and Stewart basically made him apologize for making a game out of the finances of the average person, while lying through his teeth. He’s amazing! And maybe he is in a special position to do that. Maybe because he is on a comedy network, he can be the type of journalist that the world needs because, as long as he is funny about it, he can stay on the air. Maybe people enjoy watching his show for comedy and prefer watching CNN for 8 hour train rides. I don’t know?
I guess, in the end, the news is just about entertainment. News channels couldn’t exist if they weren’t making money, which requires them to bring in an audience to bring in advertising dollars. In order to bring in the audience, I guess they have use scare tactics, celebrity voyeurism, and pandering to different interest groups. I would love to see the news become less about profit and more about honest and important journalism. But then less people would watch it and maybe it’s better to have people watching then news then not? Even if that news is of a much lower quality then it should be? Maybe the future is in blogging and other areas like that, where there is less emphasis on money making, and less need for censorship and pandering to the masses.
Anyway, I suggest watching Good Night and Good Luck (Edward Murrow is the fucking man), Frost vs Nixon, and the Daily Show (and to a lesser extent, the Colbert Report).
(Won’t Get Fooled Again by The Who, from the album Who’s Next. If you haven’t listened to this ... you need to ... right now! However, I’m fairly certain that Jesse is the only person who reads my blog at the moment, and I know he’s heard it. Hey Jesse!)
Really? Is that newsworthy? I don’t think it is. And it leaves me scratching my head and wondering what has happened to broadcast journalism (and journalism in general). It’s gotten to the point where I can’t really watch the news anymore. It’s too painful to watch. Most news reports lack any substance and don’t report on the truly important things going on in the world and in the community. They seem to follow a simple rubric of throw in a couple murders or accidents, followed by a political story, a financial story, a story about a bake sale or some charity, followed by some scare tactic about some group in the world who (I’m made to believe) wants to kill me for some random reason, followed by a shot of a squirrel on water skies. Meanwhile, the news hosts are “acting” like robots, turning serious when the need arises, and then instantly switching to charming and delightful on command. It’s disgusting. And it gets even worse with news channels. I remember when Obama was in the midst of his inauguration, and he was taking a train ride to Washington (don’t remember where from). CNN covered the entire 7-8 hour train ride. It was 7-8 hours of Obama’s train, with detailed accounts of the route, and what Obama was wearing and where he was at every second of the trip. And why did they do this? Because they have to fill 17 hours a day with news, and they spend their time focusing on the least important things, while major news events from around the world go unattended. And I don’t think for a second that there will ever be a day, where 8 hours go by, in which there isn’t something more important or more newsworthy than Barack Obama riding a train.
Ultimately, I want a return to the days of men like Edward Murrow and Martha Gellhorn. I want the news to ask the risky and tough questions of our government and of our political forces. I want to know what is happening in other places in the world, and who is fighting who, and why they are fighting. I want to understand why the economy is in shambles, and who is responsible for that, and what measures are being taken to fix the economy and reprimand those who are responsible. I want to know of situations where people are being taken advantage of and what is being done to help them and what my government and other governments are going to do about it. And I want journalists to actually do their homework and have credible sources. I read an article today about a 22 year old student who put a fake quote on Wikipedia to see if it would be picked up, only to have several papers use it without any reference to Wikipedia. Journalists have to stop being lazy and grow a pair of balls.
In all honesty, and I am deadly serious about this, I believe that Jon Stewart is one of the best journalists out there today. He is under no obligation to have any journalistic integrity, yet he consistently delivers news that is important, as well as provides insightful and critical interviews. Two examples of things that I just recently watched: 1) when he went on crossfire and ruined Tucker Carlson, and 2) when Jim Cramer (of CNBC’s Mad Money) came on the shoe and Stewart basically made him apologize for making a game out of the finances of the average person, while lying through his teeth. He’s amazing! And maybe he is in a special position to do that. Maybe because he is on a comedy network, he can be the type of journalist that the world needs because, as long as he is funny about it, he can stay on the air. Maybe people enjoy watching his show for comedy and prefer watching CNN for 8 hour train rides. I don’t know?
I guess, in the end, the news is just about entertainment. News channels couldn’t exist if they weren’t making money, which requires them to bring in an audience to bring in advertising dollars. In order to bring in the audience, I guess they have use scare tactics, celebrity voyeurism, and pandering to different interest groups. I would love to see the news become less about profit and more about honest and important journalism. But then less people would watch it and maybe it’s better to have people watching then news then not? Even if that news is of a much lower quality then it should be? Maybe the future is in blogging and other areas like that, where there is less emphasis on money making, and less need for censorship and pandering to the masses.
Anyway, I suggest watching Good Night and Good Luck (Edward Murrow is the fucking man), Frost vs Nixon, and the Daily Show (and to a lesser extent, the Colbert Report).
(Won’t Get Fooled Again by The Who, from the album Who’s Next. If you haven’t listened to this ... you need to ... right now! However, I’m fairly certain that Jesse is the only person who reads my blog at the moment, and I know he’s heard it. Hey Jesse!)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Good Times Bad Times
I would really like to be in an intense argument with a girlfriend. I know, this doesn’t seem to make much sense. You’re probably wondering why anyone would ever want such a thing. You’re probably wondering why or how I even thought about this. A little explanation is required.
This past weekend I went to a friend’s cottage in Bobcaygeon (not sure if that’s how you spell it). I was visiting with my friend and his girlfriend, and we were driving in the car. My friend’s girlfriend was in the back and she was saying how she could hear something wrong with the car, how the wheel was making some kind of strange noise. My friend and I couldn’t hear anything. She kept mentioning it and my friend kept asking what he could do about it. Eventually they both started getting angry about the whole thing, and eventually my friend said the he would get out of the car, sit in the back and listen, and she could drive. They both started in with raised voices at each other, and eventually got out of the car and started arguing outside. Eventually they both got back in the car and we continued on our way in silence. After a little bit, talking started again, there were some words of apology from both sides and the issue was put in the past. For the rest of the weekend, my friend and his girlfriend were completely happy (and even a little touchy, which most couples seem to be).
Now, I need to stress that my friend and his girlfriend are an awesome couple. She is absolutely wonderful, he’s basically a brother, and they are perfect together. So I found it a little discomforting when they started arguing. I was a bit worried about it at first. I got to thinking that maybe things weren’t going well between them and that their relationship might be in trouble. Then I had one of those epiphany moments, where I overcome my ignorance and naivety, and learn a profound and startling truth that everyone already knows. Fighting in relationships is natural and somewhat healthy. I’ve heard it before, but it never sunk in until then. It’s always been something that I’ve sought to avoid in my life and in my relationships. I thought that it would be easy to avoid but the truth is that the only way to avoid it would be to avoid relationships. I always sought to avoid it by being dishonest or indecisive about choices or views. It’s hard to argue about something when you both feel the same way. It’s also hard to argue when one person just gives up, and concedes all decisions to the other person. The problem with this, however, is that it stops any growth of the relationship (and makes you a pussy doormat). Occasionally you need to argue and fight; it helps you sort your feelings out and helps to humble both people. Ultimately, assuming you don’t argue and fight all the time, it should strengthen your relationship and make you both realize why you’re in the relationship.
So, as I said at the beginning, I would really like to be in an intense argument with a girlfriend. I would like this because, it means that: A)I have a girlfriend (which is always cool); B)I am not being a pussy doormat; C)We’re comfortable enough with each other to yell at each other; and D)It’s helping me to realize whether I want to continue being in that relationship or not. Only having good times would be easy. Who would ever want to end a relationship if it were only good times. It’s going through the bad times that helps you figure out whether the relationship is worth keeping, and if it is, how lucky you are to be in the relationship.
And with that, I’m done.
p.s. I think I’m going to expand on the letters to friends post, as well as removing the love section of that post, as I feel that the love section is shit and it deserves its own post.
(Good Times Bad Times, from Led Zeppelin’s debut album Led Zeppelin (I couldn’t think of a title until I finished the post and randomly decided to listen to Led Zeppelin)).
This past weekend I went to a friend’s cottage in Bobcaygeon (not sure if that’s how you spell it). I was visiting with my friend and his girlfriend, and we were driving in the car. My friend’s girlfriend was in the back and she was saying how she could hear something wrong with the car, how the wheel was making some kind of strange noise. My friend and I couldn’t hear anything. She kept mentioning it and my friend kept asking what he could do about it. Eventually they both started getting angry about the whole thing, and eventually my friend said the he would get out of the car, sit in the back and listen, and she could drive. They both started in with raised voices at each other, and eventually got out of the car and started arguing outside. Eventually they both got back in the car and we continued on our way in silence. After a little bit, talking started again, there were some words of apology from both sides and the issue was put in the past. For the rest of the weekend, my friend and his girlfriend were completely happy (and even a little touchy, which most couples seem to be).
Now, I need to stress that my friend and his girlfriend are an awesome couple. She is absolutely wonderful, he’s basically a brother, and they are perfect together. So I found it a little discomforting when they started arguing. I was a bit worried about it at first. I got to thinking that maybe things weren’t going well between them and that their relationship might be in trouble. Then I had one of those epiphany moments, where I overcome my ignorance and naivety, and learn a profound and startling truth that everyone already knows. Fighting in relationships is natural and somewhat healthy. I’ve heard it before, but it never sunk in until then. It’s always been something that I’ve sought to avoid in my life and in my relationships. I thought that it would be easy to avoid but the truth is that the only way to avoid it would be to avoid relationships. I always sought to avoid it by being dishonest or indecisive about choices or views. It’s hard to argue about something when you both feel the same way. It’s also hard to argue when one person just gives up, and concedes all decisions to the other person. The problem with this, however, is that it stops any growth of the relationship (and makes you a pussy doormat). Occasionally you need to argue and fight; it helps you sort your feelings out and helps to humble both people. Ultimately, assuming you don’t argue and fight all the time, it should strengthen your relationship and make you both realize why you’re in the relationship.
So, as I said at the beginning, I would really like to be in an intense argument with a girlfriend. I would like this because, it means that: A)I have a girlfriend (which is always cool); B)I am not being a pussy doormat; C)We’re comfortable enough with each other to yell at each other; and D)It’s helping me to realize whether I want to continue being in that relationship or not. Only having good times would be easy. Who would ever want to end a relationship if it were only good times. It’s going through the bad times that helps you figure out whether the relationship is worth keeping, and if it is, how lucky you are to be in the relationship.
And with that, I’m done.
p.s. I think I’m going to expand on the letters to friends post, as well as removing the love section of that post, as I feel that the love section is shit and it deserves its own post.
(Good Times Bad Times, from Led Zeppelin’s debut album Led Zeppelin (I couldn’t think of a title until I finished the post and randomly decided to listen to Led Zeppelin)).
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Girls Got Rhythm
Girls are wonderful! Seriously though, I love the female sex. And so does ACDC, which is quite apparent from the ridiculously large number of songs that have to do with ladies. And since I’m listening to a bunch of ACDC, and it’s such an important issue in my life, I might as well talk about women in this posting. Plus, with summer just around the corner (17 degrees on Friday ... ah yeah!), it won’t be long until all the girls are out in full force with minimal clothing cover (which is just wonderful!), so I best get this posting out so I can spend more time outside.
I have liked girls for as long as I can remember, which is a bit strange when you think about it. Usually boys go through that period where they hate girls, but I never had that. I pretended I did. I pretended that girls were gross and had cooties (which was later changed to syphilis in health class) because that was what was expected of me, and I would be made fun of for liking girls. I have never, however, wavered in my liking of girls. When I was 2 or 3 years old, I remember asking a girl to marry me as I was leaving daycare. We were both walking out with our mothers, and I asked the question. Both our mothers thought it was so sweet and laughed in that way that mothers do when they think something is funny, sweet and innocent. I felt kind of embarrassed by it. I didn’t understand why they were laughing at me ... I didn’t think it was funny. But that was my first attempt at trying to form a relationship with a girl that was beyond friendship. I would like to say that it has gone much smoother since then but surprisingly it hasn’t (I would even like to say that there has been no more laughter but, that has not been the case). Since that day, I have liked girls and they have been on my mind everyday for ages.
So why do I like them? I don’t know ... I just do. Somewhere in the hardwiring of my brain is programming to make me like girls. When I see them, I’m sure there is some sort of chemical reaction that occurs which makes my pulse quicken, ties my tongue and makes my brain essentially useless for communication of anything beyond simple fragmented sentences and words that are quite lacking in syllables (that’s sort of a joke, although there are times when I talk to some girls, that when I leave the conversation, I have absolutely no idea what I just said or where I was). So what is about girls that I like? As I explained earlier today to my roommate and his girlfriend, from a purely physical perspective, I am a face man. A nice face is more important than anything else. She could have the greatest body in the world but, an unattractive face is a deal breaker (Just to clarify, the concept that looks don’t matter is absolute bullshit, and anyone who says it is lying. Looks are important to any relationship beyond friendship ... if you are not attracted to their appearance, how can you expect to have a physical relationship ... attraction is a necessity). In particular, I am a big fan of a nice smile ... if a girl has a nice smile, I am sold. That being said, breasts and other body areas are also nice but I’m of the opinion that there is no such thing as too small of breasts or ass or anything like that. There is an upper limit; however, as I am just not that into huge amounts of fat (I’m sorry if it offensive but, it is true). Besides physical attributes, a nice personality is an absolute must ... I cannot do a relationship based purely on physical attractiveness. If I can’t have a decent conversation or if I don’t respect what the other person is saying, then its game over. It’s at this point where it gets confusing for me. Obviously there are particular traits and characteristics that I would prefer over others ... everyone have these preferences. I am not sure, however, how good these preferences are and if they are important to have. For example, I am really interested in outdoor sports and activities, and it would seem obvious to find a girl like that. However, might it not also be alright to find a girl who isn’t interested in those things but is understanding of my interest and has no problem with me pursuing those activities ... as long as issue does not cause problems, does it matter if the girl likes it or not? Would the relationship be better if the girl did like it? Who knows ... I am sure there are many schools of thought and opinions on this ... I have no idea. I guess it comes down to the whole idea of opposites attracting (perhaps a discussion for another posting) ... I don’t know how I feel about that though. So yeah, I like girls for many reasons, and I like many things about them (I really like how they smell too ... those fragrancy things that girls use (whether it be specials soaps, shampoos, perfumes, lotions, etc.) are just wonderful ... especially anything that smells like coconut or pina colada ... those scents are magnificent ... they make me lose my mind a little bit (and jizz in my pants (Andy Samberg is a comic genius))).
So what do I know about girls? Not that much ... girls are confusing. I have learned a bit (both about them and myself). I have learned that girls are irrational. Often times they act in a way and do things that make no sense to me or any other guys I talk to. Now, I am not trying to say that this is a bad thing but it is the truth. It’s just that girls are irrational and so are guys but they are different types of irrationality. Girls do stuff that doesn’t make sense to guys and guys do things that don’t make sense to girls. There is a whole host of reasons why this is and might be. There are lots of different psychological theories, and behavioural evolution theories. It’s not really important at the moment. What is important is that men and women are different and that we will behave differently.
Here is what I have learned about some of them and myself: being a doormat is not a good thing. I routinely fall into the position of trying to do everything for them and to please them in every conceivable way, to the point where I begin to change. Initially, I start out not caring what they think ... I make crude jokes, say insensitive things (which I really don’t mean) and am not afraid to say any idea that I have (including my idea that homosexuality was against nature ... an idea I once had when I was a naive and ignorant first year student ... I have since stopped being as ignorant and naive). However, after a certain amount of time, I find that I start to say less crude things, less offensive things and start to say the ideas that I think should be said, and not the ones that I actually have. (Sorry to break the thought ... I just switched over to Rainbow in the Dark by Ronnie James Dio ... soooooo good!). Furthermore, I begin to become really indecisive about everything, not wanting to do something that the girl may not enjoy. So I leave it up to the girl ... and gradually as things progress, I slowly stop being recognizable as myself, and become what I think the girl wants, despite having already been what the girl wanted in the first place. Then everything goes to hell and I end up standing on her front lawn in a leather jacket with a boom box over my head playing a Peter Gabriel song (no that has never happened, although I am not sure what movie it is from but I have seen it done in South Park). The worst part about it is that I hate myself when I become like that. I’m not sure why I do it, although I can make several guesses concerning issues related to upbringing and self-esteem. Regardless, I’ve figured that out, which is an important step. Plus, I am sick of being that way. I hate it and I refuse to do it anymore. That being said, I may sometimes be indecisive or do really nice things with no apparent motive (i.e. I will gladly bake or cook anything a girl wants because I love baking/cooking and see it as a challenge that I love to engage). This is just because of who I am. But I think I have reached a point where I can no longer be an indecisive pussy doormat because, I really don’t care anymore. I am a nice, smart, funny, somewhat in-shape guy, who is clearly a luscious piece of man meat. I am also quite loyal and committed to relationships, and I shouldn’t have to change the fundamentals of who I am in order to impress or keep a girl. And I will not do that anymore ... for anyone. That being said, I do recognize that relationships are about compromise, and I would be reasonable about certain things, but not the fundamentals of who I am and what I believe, unless those fundamentals change or I change my opinion which is entirely possible.
Alright, I’ve ranted enough for tonight. I am sleepy. Goodnight.
(Girls Got Rhythm ... by ACDC ... from Highway to Hell (I believe but I don’t want to look it up at the moment) ... absolutely wonderful).
I have liked girls for as long as I can remember, which is a bit strange when you think about it. Usually boys go through that period where they hate girls, but I never had that. I pretended I did. I pretended that girls were gross and had cooties (which was later changed to syphilis in health class) because that was what was expected of me, and I would be made fun of for liking girls. I have never, however, wavered in my liking of girls. When I was 2 or 3 years old, I remember asking a girl to marry me as I was leaving daycare. We were both walking out with our mothers, and I asked the question. Both our mothers thought it was so sweet and laughed in that way that mothers do when they think something is funny, sweet and innocent. I felt kind of embarrassed by it. I didn’t understand why they were laughing at me ... I didn’t think it was funny. But that was my first attempt at trying to form a relationship with a girl that was beyond friendship. I would like to say that it has gone much smoother since then but surprisingly it hasn’t (I would even like to say that there has been no more laughter but, that has not been the case). Since that day, I have liked girls and they have been on my mind everyday for ages.
So why do I like them? I don’t know ... I just do. Somewhere in the hardwiring of my brain is programming to make me like girls. When I see them, I’m sure there is some sort of chemical reaction that occurs which makes my pulse quicken, ties my tongue and makes my brain essentially useless for communication of anything beyond simple fragmented sentences and words that are quite lacking in syllables (that’s sort of a joke, although there are times when I talk to some girls, that when I leave the conversation, I have absolutely no idea what I just said or where I was). So what is about girls that I like? As I explained earlier today to my roommate and his girlfriend, from a purely physical perspective, I am a face man. A nice face is more important than anything else. She could have the greatest body in the world but, an unattractive face is a deal breaker (Just to clarify, the concept that looks don’t matter is absolute bullshit, and anyone who says it is lying. Looks are important to any relationship beyond friendship ... if you are not attracted to their appearance, how can you expect to have a physical relationship ... attraction is a necessity). In particular, I am a big fan of a nice smile ... if a girl has a nice smile, I am sold. That being said, breasts and other body areas are also nice but I’m of the opinion that there is no such thing as too small of breasts or ass or anything like that. There is an upper limit; however, as I am just not that into huge amounts of fat (I’m sorry if it offensive but, it is true). Besides physical attributes, a nice personality is an absolute must ... I cannot do a relationship based purely on physical attractiveness. If I can’t have a decent conversation or if I don’t respect what the other person is saying, then its game over. It’s at this point where it gets confusing for me. Obviously there are particular traits and characteristics that I would prefer over others ... everyone have these preferences. I am not sure, however, how good these preferences are and if they are important to have. For example, I am really interested in outdoor sports and activities, and it would seem obvious to find a girl like that. However, might it not also be alright to find a girl who isn’t interested in those things but is understanding of my interest and has no problem with me pursuing those activities ... as long as issue does not cause problems, does it matter if the girl likes it or not? Would the relationship be better if the girl did like it? Who knows ... I am sure there are many schools of thought and opinions on this ... I have no idea. I guess it comes down to the whole idea of opposites attracting (perhaps a discussion for another posting) ... I don’t know how I feel about that though. So yeah, I like girls for many reasons, and I like many things about them (I really like how they smell too ... those fragrancy things that girls use (whether it be specials soaps, shampoos, perfumes, lotions, etc.) are just wonderful ... especially anything that smells like coconut or pina colada ... those scents are magnificent ... they make me lose my mind a little bit (and jizz in my pants (Andy Samberg is a comic genius))).
So what do I know about girls? Not that much ... girls are confusing. I have learned a bit (both about them and myself). I have learned that girls are irrational. Often times they act in a way and do things that make no sense to me or any other guys I talk to. Now, I am not trying to say that this is a bad thing but it is the truth. It’s just that girls are irrational and so are guys but they are different types of irrationality. Girls do stuff that doesn’t make sense to guys and guys do things that don’t make sense to girls. There is a whole host of reasons why this is and might be. There are lots of different psychological theories, and behavioural evolution theories. It’s not really important at the moment. What is important is that men and women are different and that we will behave differently.
Here is what I have learned about some of them and myself: being a doormat is not a good thing. I routinely fall into the position of trying to do everything for them and to please them in every conceivable way, to the point where I begin to change. Initially, I start out not caring what they think ... I make crude jokes, say insensitive things (which I really don’t mean) and am not afraid to say any idea that I have (including my idea that homosexuality was against nature ... an idea I once had when I was a naive and ignorant first year student ... I have since stopped being as ignorant and naive). However, after a certain amount of time, I find that I start to say less crude things, less offensive things and start to say the ideas that I think should be said, and not the ones that I actually have. (Sorry to break the thought ... I just switched over to Rainbow in the Dark by Ronnie James Dio ... soooooo good!). Furthermore, I begin to become really indecisive about everything, not wanting to do something that the girl may not enjoy. So I leave it up to the girl ... and gradually as things progress, I slowly stop being recognizable as myself, and become what I think the girl wants, despite having already been what the girl wanted in the first place. Then everything goes to hell and I end up standing on her front lawn in a leather jacket with a boom box over my head playing a Peter Gabriel song (no that has never happened, although I am not sure what movie it is from but I have seen it done in South Park). The worst part about it is that I hate myself when I become like that. I’m not sure why I do it, although I can make several guesses concerning issues related to upbringing and self-esteem. Regardless, I’ve figured that out, which is an important step. Plus, I am sick of being that way. I hate it and I refuse to do it anymore. That being said, I may sometimes be indecisive or do really nice things with no apparent motive (i.e. I will gladly bake or cook anything a girl wants because I love baking/cooking and see it as a challenge that I love to engage). This is just because of who I am. But I think I have reached a point where I can no longer be an indecisive pussy doormat because, I really don’t care anymore. I am a nice, smart, funny, somewhat in-shape guy, who is clearly a luscious piece of man meat. I am also quite loyal and committed to relationships, and I shouldn’t have to change the fundamentals of who I am in order to impress or keep a girl. And I will not do that anymore ... for anyone. That being said, I do recognize that relationships are about compromise, and I would be reasonable about certain things, but not the fundamentals of who I am and what I believe, unless those fundamentals change or I change my opinion which is entirely possible.
Alright, I’ve ranted enough for tonight. I am sleepy. Goodnight.
(Girls Got Rhythm ... by ACDC ... from Highway to Hell (I believe but I don’t want to look it up at the moment) ... absolutely wonderful).
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Heroes
I decided that marking assignments was not as important as watching 300. Mainly because, when 300 first came out, I said I would watch it 300 times. I think I've only seen it 10 times ... so I still have a ways to go on that. Wonderful movie though ... third greatest romance ever. Top 3 are: 3)Leonidas and Queen Gorgo (300), 2)Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash (Walk the Line), 1)Zack and Miri (Zack and Miri make a porno). I'm going to jump away from 300 for second, so I can talk about Zack and Miri make a porno. Greatest romance movie of all time ... I don't care what anyone says ... and I've seen Casablanca (which is absolutely wonderful ... but that's for another article and another time). They are so good together. It seems so genuine too. When they have sex, it's so tender and passionate and frigging amazing. Also, there is no more romantic and wonderful a line then when Elizabeth Banks tells Seth Rogen "if you asked me, I would dutch rudder you for the rest of our lives." Come on ... it doesn't get any more romantic than that. So yeah ... Zack and Miri make a porno = greatest romance movie ever.
Anyway ... 300 is wonderful because it has wicked good violence and fighting, as well as a wonderful romance story and wicked quotes. I decided to write after watching it because Leonidas is one of my all time favorite characters ... and there are elements of his character that I would love to incorporate into my own life. So here's a list of people and characters that are my heroes:
10)Nicholas Negroponte - founded the one laptop per child foundation, which I feel is one of the greatest charitable projects around. I recognize that there are some flaws with it but giving children access to information and education is vitally important to the future well being and progress of the human race and the earth. Hopefully, using programs, such as one laptop per child, more children can learn and transfer that knowledge to results in their own towns and countries.
9)Louis CK & Dane Cook - two of the best comedians out there. I like Dane Cook for his energy during his shows ... so much energy ... such a good show man. Louis CK is just about the funniest man I've ever heard, and I like that he doesn't pull any punches and that he basically says anything he wants, no matter how terribly offensive ... I like that.
8)Jon Stewart - the best journalist alive ... I've learned so much more from the daily show then I have from most news sources. I like that he is not only a brilliant comedian but, also he is wicked knowledgeable and he asks some of the best questions. A role model for what a through interviewer should be.
7)Richard Feynman - Possibly one of the most brillant men of all time, not included an amazing writer, and one of the most interesting people ever. He provides a nice contrast to the stereotypical scientist who only focuses in one area ... he had so many diverse interests, and he represents what a well rounded scientist should be.
6)Penn & Teller - their defense of the constitution, free speech, and their desire to debunk myths and pseudoscience has been a great source of inspiration in my life and in being a scientist. Plus, they do magic (awesome!), they're hilarious (double awesome!) and they find a way to fit nudity into all their episodes of bullshit (tripendicular!).
5)Beast - one of only two comic book characters to make the list. I like Beast because he is funny, a brilliant scientist, and an eloquent speaker. Also, his continued acceptance of human decency and his continued support of a world where human and mutant can co-exist in peace is a model for the type of attitude required for many real world situations and problems. Plus, I like how he is also willing to fight when it is required. Also, he has blue fur ... that is just wonderful.
4)Leonidas - never retreat, never surrender. Love your woman and child. Respect and honor your fellows kinsmen and enemies. Be disciplined, focused, and train your skills to be the best possible. Not too much better than that. Plus he has a super healthy relationship that is built on trust and equal balance of power. Not to mention he is a really good father, and funny. Also, his wife his hot and he is wicked good shape with rocking hard abs ... doesn't get much better than all that.
3)Tiger Woods - the greatest golfer that has ever lived. One of the most focused and disciplined athletes ever. A testament to what one can achieve with a lot of talent, and even more hard work. A man who isn't afraid of competition or competing, and who is consistent in rising to the challenge and winning. He is also a pretty model father and husband, which is very important.
2)Wolverine - my favorite super hero. He represents that hero who has to suffer so that others don't have to. In peak physical condition, with a mind to match ... he represents the hero who is trying to atone for his past sins and is trying to erase the pain and horrors of the past. I find his independent and stoic nature to be a model that I would like to follow and adopt ... although they both represent extreme cases ... and I doubt that I could ever be that stoic or independent. He is a true loner, destined to walk alone forever ... yet he doesn't give up and continues to try his best to do good and to control the animal inside. In my lonelier times, I find comfort from reading stories about him. I know he isn't real and is a fictional character ... but that doesn't mean that I can't gather some insights into my own life from him. Any revelations are good revelations.
1)Charles Darwin - I want to be Charles Darwin ... or as close to it as I can be. Seriously, I hope to be everything that he was. He represents one of those truly amazing of scientists, who take pleasure in doing science simply for the sake of knowledge. It wasn't about trying to get a job or trying to get as many publications or trying to be famous ... he simply wanted to solve the mysteries of life ... or do the best that he could. He was astoundingly clever and see all the pieces of the puzzle before most of the pieces were there. His argument for evolution is one of the most comprehensive and complete arguments that I've ever seen. And the amount of predictions that he made, which were found to be correct, are ridiculous. As far as men go, there are few that were better. Good natured and tempered, he was a wonderful husband, and father, who always had time for his family and loved them deeply. He was also a model scientist and supporter of the scientist community. All I can really hope is to learn what I can from his works and life, and hope to be as good of a scientist. And hopefully work to change the world for the better, even if it is only a little bit.
There it is. Three people who didn't make the list who I still think are wonderful are: Roger Federer, Mike Rowe and Emily Haines. Essentially, all these people are hard working people who strive for purpose in their lives and work to be the best they can for themselves and for the rest of the world. Even if some of them are fictional, these traits still apply, and I feel that they represent some model people and heroes. And with that, it is getting late, so I'm going to go to sleep and hopefully stop being sick.
(Title is from David Bowie's Heroes ... wicked good song from the album Heroes ... and seems somewhat applicable to the post in question.)
Anyway ... 300 is wonderful because it has wicked good violence and fighting, as well as a wonderful romance story and wicked quotes. I decided to write after watching it because Leonidas is one of my all time favorite characters ... and there are elements of his character that I would love to incorporate into my own life. So here's a list of people and characters that are my heroes:
10)Nicholas Negroponte - founded the one laptop per child foundation, which I feel is one of the greatest charitable projects around. I recognize that there are some flaws with it but giving children access to information and education is vitally important to the future well being and progress of the human race and the earth. Hopefully, using programs, such as one laptop per child, more children can learn and transfer that knowledge to results in their own towns and countries.
9)Louis CK & Dane Cook - two of the best comedians out there. I like Dane Cook for his energy during his shows ... so much energy ... such a good show man. Louis CK is just about the funniest man I've ever heard, and I like that he doesn't pull any punches and that he basically says anything he wants, no matter how terribly offensive ... I like that.
8)Jon Stewart - the best journalist alive ... I've learned so much more from the daily show then I have from most news sources. I like that he is not only a brilliant comedian but, also he is wicked knowledgeable and he asks some of the best questions. A role model for what a through interviewer should be.
7)Richard Feynman - Possibly one of the most brillant men of all time, not included an amazing writer, and one of the most interesting people ever. He provides a nice contrast to the stereotypical scientist who only focuses in one area ... he had so many diverse interests, and he represents what a well rounded scientist should be.
6)Penn & Teller - their defense of the constitution, free speech, and their desire to debunk myths and pseudoscience has been a great source of inspiration in my life and in being a scientist. Plus, they do magic (awesome!), they're hilarious (double awesome!) and they find a way to fit nudity into all their episodes of bullshit (tripendicular!).
5)Beast - one of only two comic book characters to make the list. I like Beast because he is funny, a brilliant scientist, and an eloquent speaker. Also, his continued acceptance of human decency and his continued support of a world where human and mutant can co-exist in peace is a model for the type of attitude required for many real world situations and problems. Plus, I like how he is also willing to fight when it is required. Also, he has blue fur ... that is just wonderful.
4)Leonidas - never retreat, never surrender. Love your woman and child. Respect and honor your fellows kinsmen and enemies. Be disciplined, focused, and train your skills to be the best possible. Not too much better than that. Plus he has a super healthy relationship that is built on trust and equal balance of power. Not to mention he is a really good father, and funny. Also, his wife his hot and he is wicked good shape with rocking hard abs ... doesn't get much better than all that.
3)Tiger Woods - the greatest golfer that has ever lived. One of the most focused and disciplined athletes ever. A testament to what one can achieve with a lot of talent, and even more hard work. A man who isn't afraid of competition or competing, and who is consistent in rising to the challenge and winning. He is also a pretty model father and husband, which is very important.
2)Wolverine - my favorite super hero. He represents that hero who has to suffer so that others don't have to. In peak physical condition, with a mind to match ... he represents the hero who is trying to atone for his past sins and is trying to erase the pain and horrors of the past. I find his independent and stoic nature to be a model that I would like to follow and adopt ... although they both represent extreme cases ... and I doubt that I could ever be that stoic or independent. He is a true loner, destined to walk alone forever ... yet he doesn't give up and continues to try his best to do good and to control the animal inside. In my lonelier times, I find comfort from reading stories about him. I know he isn't real and is a fictional character ... but that doesn't mean that I can't gather some insights into my own life from him. Any revelations are good revelations.
1)Charles Darwin - I want to be Charles Darwin ... or as close to it as I can be. Seriously, I hope to be everything that he was. He represents one of those truly amazing of scientists, who take pleasure in doing science simply for the sake of knowledge. It wasn't about trying to get a job or trying to get as many publications or trying to be famous ... he simply wanted to solve the mysteries of life ... or do the best that he could. He was astoundingly clever and see all the pieces of the puzzle before most of the pieces were there. His argument for evolution is one of the most comprehensive and complete arguments that I've ever seen. And the amount of predictions that he made, which were found to be correct, are ridiculous. As far as men go, there are few that were better. Good natured and tempered, he was a wonderful husband, and father, who always had time for his family and loved them deeply. He was also a model scientist and supporter of the scientist community. All I can really hope is to learn what I can from his works and life, and hope to be as good of a scientist. And hopefully work to change the world for the better, even if it is only a little bit.
There it is. Three people who didn't make the list who I still think are wonderful are: Roger Federer, Mike Rowe and Emily Haines. Essentially, all these people are hard working people who strive for purpose in their lives and work to be the best they can for themselves and for the rest of the world. Even if some of them are fictional, these traits still apply, and I feel that they represent some model people and heroes. And with that, it is getting late, so I'm going to go to sleep and hopefully stop being sick.
(Title is from David Bowie's Heroes ... wicked good song from the album Heroes ... and seems somewhat applicable to the post in question.)
Dazed and Confused
I have another idea. I think that I am going to pick different song titles to be the titles of my posts. I'm starting with a little led zeppelin Dazed and Confused, from their debut album Led Zeppelin 1. I chose this title because I am still sick and the cough syrup that I am taking, in conjunction with the hot toddies that I have been drinking, have made me a little out of it for the last couple days. By the way, hot toddy = hot water, shot of whiskey and a bunch of honey ... super good. So yeah, I really like music, and that will probably spill over into my posts ... as I will most likely discuss music at various points of time.
I want to make it clear that my writing on this blog and my ideas may not be the best. I am hoping to use this to develop both my writing and ideas, especially when it comes to expressing my ideas and conveying them well. So any help, ideas or comments will be greatly appreciated. Awesome.
Here are some things that I've said yes to in the last few months:
- got a tattoo (wolf paw on my right leg)
- doing a half iron man (Sept 13 in Huntsville)
- learning how to better ride a bike ... especially in the city
- learning to play the fiddle (taking lessons)
- starting a blog
- doing a half marathon in may
- training with the rowing team (which lead to my ankle sprain, which may prevent me from doing the half marathon ... although probably not, as I'll do my best to complete even if it takes me a super long time)
- baking (I've been doing a lot of this ... trying to make new and interesting things ... a couple weeks ago I made a custard tart covered with berries ... super good!)
So yeah, it's not too much but it is a start. Alright, I need to go mark some assignments.
I want to make it clear that my writing on this blog and my ideas may not be the best. I am hoping to use this to develop both my writing and ideas, especially when it comes to expressing my ideas and conveying them well. So any help, ideas or comments will be greatly appreciated. Awesome.
Here are some things that I've said yes to in the last few months:
- got a tattoo (wolf paw on my right leg)
- doing a half iron man (Sept 13 in Huntsville)
- learning how to better ride a bike ... especially in the city
- learning to play the fiddle (taking lessons)
- starting a blog
- doing a half marathon in may
- training with the rowing team (which lead to my ankle sprain, which may prevent me from doing the half marathon ... although probably not, as I'll do my best to complete even if it takes me a super long time)
- baking (I've been doing a lot of this ... trying to make new and interesting things ... a couple weeks ago I made a custard tart covered with berries ... super good!)
So yeah, it's not too much but it is a start. Alright, I need to go mark some assignments.
Letters to friends & Love
It is 2:13 in the morning, I’m sick, and I can’t sleep. I’m also listening to a combination of Metric, M.I.A., Marvin Gaye, The Temptations, The Four Tops and The Jackson Five. I’m not gonna lie ... now that I have this blog it is a little exciting. I can say stuff ... and people might read it ... that’s super cool. Even if they think I’m a raving lunatic, it doesn’t matter ... because they are reading it and hopefully it will start conversations and I can get feedback. Anywho, with my first post after my introductory post, there are two things that I want to address. The first being something that I’ve kind of said yes to doing, the second is a topic that has been increasingly on my mind as of recent. So let’s get to it.
Letters to friends
So this whole saying yes thing is about doing stuff that I might not usually do or that I might think is a good idea but never follow through on. One idea that I have for a long time was to send letters out to my friends. The purpose of the letters is to say thank you. Thank you for being there and being a friend. I know ... it is super corny. I don’t really care though. I think it is important and it needs to be said. Now this is an idea that I have had for several years but I always kept putting it off. However, several things have happened in the last few months, which make me think that it would be a good idea to do this sooner rather than later. For one, I had an old friend who died. It was a little unsettling when it happened. I hadn’t really talked to him for some time, and we hadn’t been that close since elementary school. It was still really unsettling. He was a great guy ... one of the best men I’ve ever known. If I could even come remotely close to being a guy like him, then I would be pretty happy. It was an accidental death, which made it completely unexpected. After it happened, all I could think about was all he had left to do and say to people. It got me thinking about all the stuff we never say to the truly important people in our lives, and how a lot of times it’s just too late.
Another reason for the letters are because I just moved from Vancouver to Ottawa in January and I still think about all my friends back out west, and how they impacted my life over the last 5 and a half years out there. I do miss them and I think a letter would be a good idea. Now, I’m not just going to be sending letters to people in Vancouver but, to a bunch of people. The goal is really to let people know that I appreciate them and how they may have affected my life, and to say thank you. I’m not sure how long it will take or when I will start. I do still have quite a lot to do with school and such, but I’ll try and start getting letters out soon.
Love
I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about this so much recently, but my mind has been in overdrive these last few months, thinking about anything and everything. For some reason, Love, has been at the top of the list. I’ve been thinking about the whole concept of it. I’ve also really started to think about how it is just a series of chemical reactions that go on in the brain and body. And because I am a biology nerd, I did read some papers on the chemicals behind it, as well as the fact that it is associated with similar chemicals and regions of the brain implicated in OCD (pretty interesting). I also tried thinking about it from an evolutionary perspective, and how the chemicals may have evolved to increase pair bonding and other things like that. I got a little obsessed with it for a while, and how if it is just chemicals, then it is somehow devalued. Then I talked to a wise biology graduate student who reminded me “So what if it’s only chemicals and a mechanism. Fuck the mechanism. It’s still real. It still requires another person and it’s still a link.” So true.
Another time, someone asked me if I had ever been in love ... and I answered that I wasn’t entirely sure ... I mean how can anyone really know? I’ve heard so many different theories on love from different people. How there are different types, and different levels, and how one person has only experienced level 4 love, and how to get to level 9 they have to slay the dragon guarding the secret door and all sorts of random gibberish like that. This really didn’t help me to answer the question. The often quoted line is “When you’re in love, you’ll know.” That doesn’t help at all. But I’ve come up with a question that can help determine it. Here it is: Let’s say there is a man/woman that you think you might be in love with. If someone came up to you and offered you a billion dollars (or a trillion or any amount of money or stuff) provided that you did not have a relationship with that person or do anything with that person, what would you do? Now here is how you know. If you choose the money, you’re not in love. Why? Because that’s the rational choice, and love really isn’t that rational. Think about it. If you got a billion dollars, you could quit your job and spend your time in the gym getting in shape, and out in bars/clubs/social activities where you would be able to meet lots of different people and presumably find someone else. If you really love the person though, you’ll choose the person over the money because you’ll recognize the obvious fact that they’re always making more money but that person is one of a kind, and therefore, priceless (pretty good huh!).
One last thing on love. We all experience it differently. Some people have the ability to fall in love easily, while others take a while. What I want to stress though, is that there is no time frame and every case is different. So don’t listen to people when they tell you that it is too early or late to fall in love ... because that is just plain wrong. And if you like someone, and you think they might like you, grow a pair and tell them ... worst case scenario, you get rejected, and you join the club comprised of everybody. Cool. Alrighty, well it is now 3:08 and my music has stopped, so I think it good to call it a night here. I’ve said all I need to say for now.
p.s. Also, despite the term being on urban dictionary since 2005, I independently came up with it this year and so I am staking a claim to it. The word is loke, and it refers to when you like someone but don’t yet love them. I’m pretty proud of it. I’m kind of a big deal.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
